Game of Thrones Season 7 Episode 1, Dragonstone – To Badass Women and Ed Sheeran!!!

Standard
Game of Thrones Season 7 Episode 1,  Dragonstone – To Badass Women and Ed Sheeran!!!

Finally, the madness has started again. I watch this show from India, so I have to wake up early and do my business before I start watching, and get ready to go wherever I have to, because Winter is Coming and I need to work.

melisandre

Winter is here and it is sure as hell sending chills down the spine.

Game of Thrones Season 7 Episode 1 – ‘Dragonstone’  starts with Walder Frey addressing a bunch of other asshole Freys and feasting as usual. For a second, I thought it’s still a recap and Arya is going to kill the fucker and feed him the ‘son pie’ again, but two minutes into the speech, we know it is Arya. She is really loving this ‘girl has no name’ game and she is good at it. All that spanking she got after her job at the spa has worked. Like a boss, she poisons the folks and just leaves. A real thug life moment.

Screen Shot 2017-07-17 at 11.43.44 AM

Silent Night Walkers!!!

While all this is going on, the Night Walkers are increasing in numbers day by day. They are just one plague away from building the largest army in the world. If they conduct elections in the seven kingdom, the Night King will sure become the president. Thankfully, it is no democracy, and the ruler of the kingdom will be decided the most entertaining way, by making other people fight for them. I know Game of Thrones is fiction and not history, but history stopped being entertaining since we got democracy and this series is far from being that.

Badass Women of GOT!!!

This show is known for some badass women, and this episode kind of focuses on them Arya, Sansa, Brienne of Tarth and most importantly Lyanna Mormont of the Bear Island. What Lyanna did today will give any feminist multiple orgasms. The way she silences the old fellow at Night’s Watch daily post dinner totally pointless convention is just meme worthy moment of the show. She says women will train too, so fuck off. The way Brienne and Sansa smirk at the exact moment when her speech is on, shows the tiny little feminist uprising of the amazing women of Game of Thrones.

Screen Shot 2017-07-17 at 11.44.40 AM

Lyanna brushed her teeth!!!

At the same convention, you can witness Sansa’s and Jon’s power struggle, Sansa wants to kill the Umbers and Karstarks, because that’s what you do on the show, kill people. Age or sex doesn’t matter. The only people not killed so far are the Eunuchs (may be one eunuch), who shows no signs of dying or ageing. Jon Snow was pissed when Sansa speaks out of turn and on top of it, she wants to kill people. He also tells her separately, you are going all Cersei right now and you are less than half her age. If you have seen Sansa in season 1, she is one annoying woman, but most annoying women get what they want.

Screen Shot 2017-07-17 at 11.54.12 AM

Sansa’s eyes look like those of White Walkers!!!

Why can’t men leave the women alone?

Petyr Baelish and Tormund really need to step up their game. Petyr cannot be trusted, so we really don’t want him to get what he wants from Sansa, but Tormund is a nice guy and is trying to get a girl way out of his league. There is a moment, when Brienne asks Sansa, “What does he want?” and she says, “I know what he wants!!”. Littlefinger the bastard!!!

Cersei and Jamie take Geography lessons!!!

Cersei has fucked up. Burning the sept and people in it, was not necessary and she knows she fucked up. The problem is, she is not willing to accept it. She looks for an ally in Euron Grejoy, who is willing to help her, but he wants to marry her. He has no idea what he is getting into. Seriously what’s with the men on the show. They can get all the girls they want, but they want to do stupid shit for that one women.

Samwell Tarly’s first year of graduation!!!

Samwell Tarly has had a tough life, but he finally reached the library. Unfortunately, his first year of graduation is fucked. He is cleaning shit and cooking food that looks like shit. He is for sure living a shitty life right now, but we all know he is going to be the game changer. I watched that shit cleaning scene while having my breakfast and it was pretty gross. This is what it sounds like …

 

He is not getting access to the Restricted Area and is forced to weigh brains and clean up after post mortem. So he decides to steal. No matter how timid his character is shown to be, he is the one who holds the key to defeating the white walkers, especially after Cersei used up all her Wildfire burning religious people.

 

Hahaha that’s Ed Sheeran and a sexist soldier!!!

Screen Shot 2017-07-17 at 12.04.22 PM

Fuck that’s Ed Sheeran!!!

So, Arya plans to take her killing spree to King’s Landing and just stumbles upon a bunch of soldiers eating rabbits and singing songs. Just Game of Thrones things. One of them happens to be Ed Sheeran and you are like hahahaha that’s Ed Sheeran. Fuck that’s actually Ed Sheeran. Arya tells Ed Sheeran and his soldier friends I want to kill the queen and they are like go ahead we don’t give  a shit. One of them is expecting a baby and wants it to be a girl, because girls take care of their fathers and boys go off to fight. In a way Arya is doing both, so she really doesn’t dignify the soldier’s sexist statement with a response.

Sandor Cleagane has a heart!!!

A couple of seasons back, Sandor Cleagane, the hound had robbed an old man and his daughter and taken away their silver. He goes back to the same house. Last time he was there, he had rabbit stew and landed himself a job. He was an asshole then, but this time he looks into the fire, checks out white walkers and has a change of heart. The mistake he commits is, he buries them. Come on, it’s season 7. By this time, you need to start burning the dead, no matter how old they are.

Daenerys has taken back the Dragonstone without saying a word!!!

Screen Shot 2017-07-17 at 11.24.04 AM

Khaleesi lands at the Dragonstone. It was pretty easy for her as Stannis abandoned and it was just left there like an orphan. This was still an emotional moment for Dany, who took back the castle for Targaryens. She reaches there and like a true boss asks – “Shall we Begin???”. I hope they don’t follow up with a dance, because that will be weird.

Jorah the Sick!!!

They have not shown his face properly, but the only one so curious about Daenerys Targaryen can be Jorah Mormont, who seemed to be quarantined in the citadel as he is suffering from greyscale disease. Samwell is serving him food and cleaning his poop too. One day when he is taking back, what I assume is his poop, he scares the shit our of already disgusted Sam asking for the Khaleesi.

In conclusion, the women on the show are badass and the men are either friend zoned or stupid, except Ser Davos Seaworth, who pretty much did only this in today’s episode.

Screen Shot 2017-07-17 at 10.37.37 AM

Wise men don’t speak much!!!

It was a slow start to the season, but a much needed one as last two episode of previous season were absolute madness. It looks like we are well set for some madness in a much smaller season.

Thou shall not use my meme plate!!!

Standard
Thou shall not use my meme plate!!!

Memes are supposed to make you laugh. If you follow meme pages, you will realise what kind of freedom of expression is offered by them. In fact if a picture is worth 1000 words, a meme is worth 10000 pictures. What once started as joke has now become a way of life for some. Memes are occasionally used by younger generation to vent out their frustration. It is not only effective, but also offers us a window into the minds of future generation. Memers are excellent communicators and someone who need to be taken seriously. Often Facebook pages are categorised into ‘normies’ and ‘dank’. While normies propagate the popular thinking, dank pages offer a much darker perspective towards the world. The former are much careful in there approach, but the latter are far more honest. For dank pages, nothing is out of bounds and everyone usually takes things in good spirit. They are a wonderful example of a promising future, where people wont get offended as quickly. The purpose of this blog post is to highlight an ongoing meme war between a big Normie Website and one such Dank Page.

Recently a page called Andi Mandi Shandi was zucced (banned), when they used a template used by a major normie website. This website often posts articles that I personally think are written by monkeys. In fact, if monkeys learn writing and gif making, they will write way better articles. To put in bland terms, this website seems nothing more than a clickbait. Over a period of time they have evolved into something big and a means to control people’s thinking. Now the two pages published memes with a similar meme template. Both these memes can be seen here – Meme War.

As you can see both memes are similar, and both pages claim that their content is original. In a utopian world, it should have ended here, but the larger website apparently reported Andi Mandi Shandi for copyright violation and the page got zucced. Prima facie this may look like a small matter, but to understand the problem faced by memers, you need to deep dive in their world. It is extremely difficult to run meme page in today’s world, because many a times the content they post is slightly offensive in nature. Which results in posts getting reported and pages getting zucced, which makes it difficult for them to build a base of regular followers.  So, when something like this happens, it furts them further. Now, as people suggest that offence is not given it is taken. For example some may find this image of our respected Foreign Minister offensive, even if the supporting article might not be in a bad taste. But is this image so offensive that someone reports it to MEA or police and gets this page banned? This is a question, answer to which I will leave it to my readers.

Another fun fact about this large website is that that often content creators have blamed them of using their images without consent and resulting in copyright violation claims. We cannot validate their claims, but most definitely think, if this is the case, they should not have reported a much smaller page unnecessarily to get it zucced. The dank memer community in India is in minority and most definitely angered by this zuccing. In today’s world when President of the United States tweets from Dank Memes, it is most definitely not a wise move to mess with these memers. We all know what happened to CNN and their general perception. You take away something that’s the only thing that matters to someone in the life from them, they are not going to sit quietly. These dank memers are not sitting quietly and they have hit them back with this logo.

Scoop Poop

Credit: Buzzfeed Community Post

Few years back there was another content creator who had expressed anger on this website’s behaviour with a similar website ScoopPoop.

Sources suggest that dank memers even raided their app and got their rating down to 1.2, but since this was a raid, after some time their rating was restored to original. This has further outraged these memers and they are now planning their next move. Amongst all this madness, we have might lost a beautiful dank page that created content only for fun.

No matter who wins this battle, the dank memers have sure put up a wonderful fight and a lot of internet users are supporting them.

Which side are you on? Do comment in the post below.

 

Dear USA – Elections are just the beginning!!!

Standard
Dear USA – Elections are just the beginning!!!

Dear United States of America,

By the time you read this, the 2016 Presidential elections must have been over, or you might be on your way to cast your vote or might just be hanging out somewhere not giving a shit about all this.  Many of you might be relieved that the elections are finally over, but it will be foolish to say that everything will go back to normal. With the conclusion of these elections, the game has just begun.Breaking News – The ugly game has just begun with these elections. 

hillary_clinton_vs-_donald_trump_-_caricatures-1144x644

First of all, congratulations on the 2nd most divisive elections of the century. You have now achieved something we accomplished back in 2014. The Hillary v/s Trump battle must have been a shock for you, but for us Indians, it was a wonderful retrospection. Before 2014, we did not know that we could have been so divided. Unity in diversity was our strength, but in 2014 all of our diversity was divided into two parts. Something on the lines of – The Right Wingers and The Liberals. These divisions have always been there in your society, but this time it is more like, “If you are not with me, screw you, your mum and your chef” divided. These two sections of the society claim that they unconditionally love the nation as long as you believe in ‘their idea of the nation’. I have been unfriended by my so called liberal friends because, in 2014, I supported the political party with a more right wing inclination. I never wanted to silence the voices of my pro-left friends, because unless we hear opposing voices, we cannot correct ourselves and also they are way cooler than my right wing friends to hang out with. Now I get a feeling that our society has been deeply fractured and the damage is irreparable. I see something similar happening in the USA and no matter who comes to power unless you get a hold of yourself or to put in a language you would understand, “Unless you get your shit together” matters are just going to get worse. 

rightvsleft

My Indian friends often ridicule fellow Indians who are interested in the US elections, but then we have every right to do so. The USA for a long time has been acting like that plumber, in a porn movie, who claims to help you, but instead screws you wife and leaves. It is USA’s increasing interference in other nations that makes us feel interested in your elections. Even though we had our own election two years back and it was tiring one, still watching you guys have a go at each other is a wonderful reminder of the old days. 

Why are the two elections similar?

In 2014, we had an incumbent ruling party i.e. Indian National Congress (INC) that was corrupt, inefficient and to some extent totally useless. The traditional right-wing party, “Bharatiya Janata Party” has had its series of brief love affairs with the Indian people, but a lack of strong leadership usually kept them away from the centre. In 2014, they found really strong and decisive leader in Narendra Modi, who was viewed  by Indians as a ‘Messiah’ to end the domination of corrupt INC. The BJP supporters took their support to social media platforms, which initially was met with no opposition, as people seriously had no time to give a shit about politics earlier. Soon this support turned almost into an uprising, and opposing voices realised that they need to do something. They revived the old rhetoric of ‘2002 Gujarat Riots’ and started holding the then Chief Minister of Gujarat directly responsible for the riots and killing of thousands of Muslims. In the meanwhile, the right started bashing Congress and anyone supporting them with charges of corruption. Both sides were shamelessly going at each other. So the fight that started as someone v/s the corrupt incumbent government, changed to ‘Corrupt and Useless Incumbent’ v/s ‘Rise of the Right Wing Bigot’. Rings a bell???

Obama administration might not be as bad as the Indian National Congress because no one can be as bad as Indian National Congress. Still, there are serious charges against Hillary Clinton, who is in a way representing the incumbent administration. Their foreign policies have got the world into a sort of a mini shit storm. People in the US are not happy with the quality of jobs, even these jobs are being taken away by immigrants, so there is some anger which was leveraged by Donald Trump to build a strong case against the government. His comments against Muslims and Mexicans created an image of a bigot but seen by his supporters as someone who is truly patriotic. He has successfully revived the feelings of nationalism amongst his supporters. Hillary’s pro-immigration stand just acted like fuel to this fire. The Pro-Hindu message by Modi government was literally copied by Donald Trump. 

The Mischevious Role of Media:

Media is said to be a reflection of the society, but in 2014, this mirror was broken for us and everyone saw their own version of the reflection. Media channels had taken sides.

They have adjusted the amplifiers and filters as per their inclination. Normally it’s the government that does the brainwashing, but during Indian elections, every political outfit was doing it. Brainwashing by media was had turned the common man into brain bashers. Social media in the times of this political chaos acts like the rat that deserts the sinking ship. You know the shit has hit the fan when memes turn political. Before 2014, I logged in to Facebook because it was a fun place to hang out, so was twitter. After 2014 elections, I moved to the sites in the US, because Indian websites and social media pages had all turned political. American pages were doing just fine until Hillary bought them off (at least the pages I follow). Websites like Mashable, Uproxx and even individuals like George Takei started showing a political bias, which left me clueless, ‘where to next’. Thank god for Xvideos, which is still not political and should continue to remain so. 

Things just get worse from here!!! 

By the time you read this, you might have already known who the President is, but this is just the beginning. It does not get over with the elections. It gets scarier and deadlier. The losing side starts taking it personally and goes into a rage. The rational criticism of the government turns into blind criticism. This is countered by blind support and faith in the government. This makes a perfect recipe for disaster. The chain of events can lead to the kind of explosion which won’t hurt physically but is mentally taxing and injurious to the society. 

hilarrymodi

I have never seen a society more vocal, more associating themselves with the politicians. Earlier, I thought the politicians divided us, but in 2014 it was pretty clear that they were just highlighting or exposing the differences amongst us and we took care of the rest. People I have liked, I have been close friends with started looking at me as a monster, I started hating them too, but this idea of listening to the opposing voices is deeply programmed in my DNA, thanks to the ass whooping given by my teachers in the school, that’s why I did not block them or unfriend them. Unfortunately, they have. I see the Americans going down a similar road. You cannot recover soon unless you make efforts to do so. With this blog, I want to request my Indian and American friends to get together and restore some sanity in the society. Let us show the governments and anyone else, that they cannot divide us any further. Let us show them that people with opposing views can exist. Let us pick the best and progress rather that saying that I am the best and that’s the only way we can progress. 

Let’s love, let’s talk, let’s listen and most importantly let’s think!!! 

monkey

GOT Season 6 Episode 9 – Battle of the Bastards, is Danny a Dyke? and Hounds of Winterfell!!!

Standard
GOT Season 6 Episode 9 – Battle of the Bastards, is Danny a Dyke? and Hounds of Winterfell!!!

Warning: Spoilers ahead. You have been warned. Don’t cry later.

melisandre

The episode started with Masters destroying the shit out of Meereen and Danny’s WTF look. She was like, “you had one job Tyrion!!!”. This was the first time we got to see Tyrion going on the defensive, after of course Shae’s death. Danny was almost on the verge of firing Tyrion, but then she would be like Donald Trump, which she most definitely did not want. She has blonde hair, but here she is the outsider and not the one who claims to protect the kingdom against the outsiders.

Danny trump_wm

In fact, she is the one who leads hordes of Dothraki into Meereen. Her pyromania is getting out of control too. She wants to burn the masters (and almost everything), but Tyrion stops her from doing that. The surrender negotiations clearly show who is the boss and how she and Tyrion make an awesome team. Danny set it up and Tyrion finished it off. The big question is what is Lord Varys up to now.

Danny the Dyke with an awesome sense of humour???

When Yara Greyjoy comes to meet Danny, I am not too sure how they made it into Meeren, because only an idiot would like to enter the city, when dragons are burning the ships. This is when I noticed that Daenerys might have bisexual traits or could be a closet feminist.
image

We know that Yara is both Lesbian and Feminist and Danny was responding quite nicely to her passes. If that happens, Westeros may end up getting the first bisexual ruler. This would have been a great boost for the Westeros LGBT community, especially the north, who have not seen a rainbow in ages due to the continuously gloomy weather. The dyke handshake between Danny and Yara was an indicator that things may go both ways for Daenerys if you know what I mean. There are some alternate fan theories, which suggest that Danny and Yara have become best friends, which may lead to further complications because Missandei has no other friends.

Rainbow

It is clear that Tyrion doesn’t like dwarf jokes, despite him being cool about it for most of the series. Tyrion gets great joy in messing with a Greyjoy, especially if that twat has joked about him being a dwarf. That was the time when most of us didn’t like Tyrion much, only because he was a Lannister. Tyrion resists joking about Theon’s cock because it is not there anymore.

Build up to the battle of bastards

We have been waiting for this for a while now, but the hype was most definitely worth it. A lot of us hate Ramsay Bolton, but in this episode, he was at his coolest best. The fact that this was aired on father’s day made it far more interesting because seriously he was missing his father (Roose Bolton’s) smartness and intelligence before and during the battle. People hate Ramsay, but we need to understand that he is just someone who loves to watch the world burn, play games and kill people.

During the pre-battle meeting, he clearly pointed out his intention of not giving a shit about the free folks or Jon Snow and his offer to fight one on one. That was definitely Jon Snow’s ‘Yo Mama’ moment and Ramsay acknowledged that with a classic, ‘He is Good’. There was no good reason for Ramsay to fight this one. He was not the one who took Winterfell from Starks. He took it from Theon. The only real crime he committed was Sansa’s marital rape, all other actions were necessary to remain warden of the north. So while facing his enemy he did not look scared did most of the things right. Unfortunately, he was overconfident and underestimated Sansa.

Jon Snow ignored Sansa’s warning because he rightly thought she was a dumb cunt. She might have saved the day, but from the previews of the season finale, she has got everyone into bigger trouble.

Battle of Bastards

Battle of bastards has left everyone speechless.  If you have seen “The Watchers on the Wall” then you know how can remember how you hated the giants and wildlings. The beauty of Game of Thrones is that it makes you realise hate is temporary.  You develop a love for the characters with time, just like we hated Jaime initially, but started loving him, the moment he became Tyrion’s only friend, our feelings for the Giants have changed with time. Wun Wun, who was the only surviving giant and Jon had him on his side. He was Jon’s cheat card in the battle and the only reason why the Starks could make breach Winterfell.

image

The battle started with typical Ramsay games, as he released Rickon Stark, and shot arrows in his direction. Rickon could have survived the game had he seen Mel Gibson’s Apocalypto, but his fate was sealed the moment Sansa said that he is going to die.

 

Jon Messed up!!!

This was Jon Snow’s Bollywood moment. He realised that Rickon is dead and he just went for the Bolton army. A dick move in my opinion. He neither Daenerys nor Sunny Deol from Gadar.

Thankfully the free folks charged for it and Jon Snow did know nothing. He was absolutely clueless, more clueless than Sansa in Season 1. One thing I failed to understand was that the Free Folks had moved to a comparatively less cold region and still they were wearing the same clothes. Beyond the wall, it is pretty cold, in Winterfell too, but he fur jackets was a bit too much. This is just stereotyping the wildlings. Going by the type of temperatures they can withstand, I think they could have easily fought in their undergarments, but let’s leave that visual for another day.

Even the biggest Jon Snow fan can easily tell you that he had messed up by being emotional and lacked battle tactics. He just went for it and got caught in the trap. Ramsay was the clear winner here and had Jon Snow where he wanted. While discussing the battle plans, Jon said they couldn’t attack them from both the sides, to which Tormund gave WTF are you talking about look and that’s exactly what happened. Only Ramsay could use a pile of dead bodies as a wall to trap his enemy. Jon was absolutely in no control of his troops. This was not the same calm and composed Jon Snow we witnessed in the battle against the wildlings. His death in a stampede would have been a tragedy, but that’s the moment, we realised that the day belonged to Sansa. As the Knights of the Vale charged, Ramsay was caught by surprise. He was not there fighting, which was most definitely his undoing. A battle well fought by Ramsay ended in defeat for him. That Sansa marital rape came back to bite him in the ass.

Hounds of Winterfell

After watching the episode, I think Hounds of Winterfell would have been an appropriate title for the episode. Ramsay shot an arrow through Wun Wun’s eye. Jon wanted to punch Ramsay to death, but Sansa wanted to feed him to the hounds. A bit dramatic, but something we all wished and craved for. After Ramsay’s death things may change for good, but we all know that something twisted is coming up. Knights of the Vale are involved now, giving Petr Baelish full charge of things in Winterfell. The audience has learnt this long back that trusting him can be their biggest mistake.

This is undoubtedly the best episode of the series. The kind of episode that wants you to go binge watch the previous 6 seasons. Sadly, it’s one more to go and a year long wait!!! 😥

I leave you with this extended footage of Jon punching  Ramsay.

Why are we treating Sachin Tendulkar and Lata Mangeshkar as untouchables?

Standard
Why are we treating Sachin Tendulkar and Lata Mangeshkar as untouchables?

If Sachin Tendulkar is the world’s best cricketer and Lata Mangeshkar the best playback singer in India, then why are we treating them like untouchables? Untouchability was abolished long back then why do we still separate some people from the masses and don’t allow others to joke about them?

The fact is we in Indian society have designed a way everyone is supposed to live their lives. Any variance will be dealt with strictly and we will go after you. The problem is, you won’t realize the danger unless this rule is applied against you.

To get a context of what I am saying, you need to first look at the below clip by AIB’s Tanmay Bhat.

 

A lot of people are upset about Tanmay’s video saying that he cannot disrespect Sachin or he should not talk about Lataji’s death. The harsh reality is that everyone dies. God forbid if that day ever comes for these two legends, I have no idea how I will react, but I know one thing for sure, on that day, death won’t discriminate. If death does not discriminate between the successful or unsuccessful, the rich and poor, why should comedy?

Tanmay Bhat is a comedian and you might not like his style of comedy. It is your right to do so, but blowing things out of proportion is unnecessary. People say that insulting these legends is not comedy. I say what’s funny is not insulting. In a world of your word v/s mine, there are no winners. If you find it funny, laugh about it, if you don’t, just ignore it. A comedian’s job is tough. He will do anything to make you laugh. Make fun of his parents, wife, siblings, grandfather, political situation, religion, sportsperson etc. In this noisy world, people these days have become so snobbish that is difficult to make them listen to you, leave alone make them laugh. Under such circumstances, by tying a comedian’s hands further, we are muting few voices that are willing to speak up.

I also understand that a political party has filed a case against Tanmay Bhat. This is the same party that has been under fire for making speeches and has had its freedom of speech under threat. In that case they should know the best how it is to be at the receiving end of something so horrible. All of us want to speak and when someone tells us what to speak and what not to speak, it hurts? You are like, “Tu hi bol le bhenchod!!” (You say it brother of a beloved sister).

Above all, the fact is Sachin and Lataji both are not expected to be upset about this. They might be too preoccupied with what they are doing. Knowing Sachin, he might not react to this, but may come out of retirement, score a century and answer him with the bat. On the other hand Lataji doesn’t’ even have to say anything she can just sing about it with that beautiful voice of hers.

What we can do is, just wait and watch as once again, the more important issues have been overshadowed by a simple joke, which was unintentional and above all really funny.

We need to stop treating people like untouchables even if it’s the god himself (or herself) and start treating jokes as jokes.

GOT Season 6 Episode 2 – Tyrion still drinks and knows things, Arya sucks at begging! and yeah kill the comedian!!

Standard
GOT Season 6 Episode 2 – Tyrion still drinks and knows things, Arya sucks at begging! and yeah kill the comedian!!

Season 6 episode 2, ‘Home’, finally reveals the one thing that we have been waiting for. Before you go ahead or read any further, “This post is dark and full of spoilers”.

melisandre.gif

  1. The annoying raven is back.

Brandon Stark and the Three-Eyed Raven have gone into their ‘Warg’ like mode and are doing their usual “Netflix and Chill”. Suddenly, the old dude realizes that Game of Thrones is on HBO and tells Bran it’s enough. They were checking out Ned Stark fighting with people. Fortunately, this time, he doesn’t get his head chopped off, but the old dude doesn’t want Bran to get addicted, so he pulls the plug and they are back in their dungeon of dry sticks.  Meera Reed and the weird girl are both sitting outside in a weird Indian style shitting posture, discussing shit. The only important takeaway from this scene is, “Hodor can talk!!!”. Yes, he can and it’s more than “Hodor”. I think he is tired of just hanging out at the set doing “Hodor Hodor” and wants to exercise his freedom of speech.

hodor

  1. Stand-Up Comedian is killed by the Mountain

This episode is special because we witnessed a brief stand-up act, an informal one. Obviously, it was in a cheap pub, an open room. It was not an ideal setup for comedy, but the guy was funny as his act was about fucking the queen. Mountain, that bastard, killed him while he was peeing. We all know that killing comedians was pretty much an old thing and Game of Thrones reminded us of that. On the bright side, at least he got to pee on the mountain.

  1. Arya sucks as a beggar.

Waif, Arya’s weird massage partner from the spa is back to beating the shit out of a begging Arya. I think she is being punished for being a pathetic beggar. Seriously so many days of begging and not a single penny in her bowl. One may be from the last week, but Arya can certainly do better. Jaqen H’ghar is a man with a heart, if he is a human being at all, but he is into weird shit. Watch two girls fight, one of them is blind, maybe the girls are underage. This guy has some weird fetish. As LVG may say, “It is not ok to hit a blind girl with a stick unless it’s ‘Sex Masochism’.

  1. High Sparrow is still a bitch!!!

Marcella is sleeping like a dead baby with the weird eye thing, we saw Tywin Lannister do at the beginning of season 5. This is the same place where Jamie and Cersei ‘did it’ when Joffrey died. Tommen, who was a good boy is losing his shit. Lack of sex is turning him into Joffrey. Jaime tried to kill High Sparrow, who clearly warned Jaime that this is nothing as he has been through worse in his weekly Beastality sessions. Every time he is on screen, I feel that he just made out with a cow. It’s either that or he is an ancestor of Bernie Sanders.

bernie

  1. Ramsay is still an asshole, treats his brother like dog food and Theon Greyjoy is going to get fucked again!!!

Ramsay is doing his mad thing again and is the reason for 3 key deaths in this episode. These are far more brutal than Sansa sex and obviously, one of them involves the dogs. This bastard, I mean literally is now Lord Bolton and it is going to be fucked up on several levels.

For some strange reason, Theon Grejoy wants to go back to the Greyjoy’s without a cock. One thing I love about this series is their commitment to kill the characters. They called the Greyjoys back, just to fucking drop Balon Greyjoy from a wooden swinging bridge in Iron Islands.

theon

  1. Tyrion drinks and he knows things

Tyrion is that one character who is loved by most, except of course Donald Trump. This time, Tyrion does what he does best, “Drinks and knows things” and casually he goes to free the dragons. Kind of things midgets do when they are drunk are really amazing.

tyrion

  1. He is back, but it’s not too exciting!!!

Ser Davos is doing his wise thing again. I guess he has figured out that he is not getting any mutton, so they might as well fight. The bastard is lucky and this is the first time, we are happy seeing the wildlings since Ygritte died. We all knew what Melisandre was going to do to Jon Snow and she really did it. I mean she is an old hag in reality, but because of that one act of bringing Jon Snow back, we can forgive her for being one. With all those deaths in Game of Thrones, she is going to be in really high demand to bring people back. For some reason, they kept his body way too long for us to be excited about Jon Snow coming back. In fact, he was never gone. Bolton’s death was for some reason a far bigger surprise than Jon Snow being alive. The best thing is that all the people had left when he came to life. So when they are in the other rooms doing their thing and suddenly Jon Snow shows up in his underwear, the reactions are going to be of epic proportions. We know two people who are really fucked, Ser Alliser and Olly.

jon.jpg

Finally, Jon is back, dragons are back, giants are back, wildlings are back, Greyjoys are back, this episode ‘Home’, feels like one big homecoming for several characters. In case, of some like Balon Greyjoy, they just came and left.

“What is dead may never die!!!”

Death Count: 

Major deaths – (4 – 1 = 3)

Minor Deaths – 3 (including the comedian)

 

Game of Thrones Season 6 Episode 1: Khaleesi Gains weight as Arya goes begging!!!

Standard
Game of Thrones Season 6 Episode 1: Khaleesi Gains weight as Arya goes begging!!!

Game of Thrones is back. It’s like happy new year for all the Game of Thrones fans, or is it?? If you are not based out of the US, there is a high probability that you have not seen this episode yet, so beware of the spoilers ahead.

Parts of Season 6 episode 1, “The Red Woman” leave an impression that it is copied from a lot of Hollywood or even Bollywood movies and obviously there is enough stereotyping to make cats look cute.

  1. Arya is Blind

We all know that Arya was blinded in the Season 5 Finale. She lost her eyesight and they made here do what all blind people do? Beg!!!

Arya Beggar.jpg

I mean they could have easily helped her start a Telephone booth (or in this case raven booth) out of the government’s disabled or blind quota. Still, they left her begging in the streets of Bravos. Then comes her co-masseuse bitch from the ‘Man Needs Face’ spa, who wants to fight Arya. She starts beating the shit out of Arya as if she wants to train her. This clearly reminded me of Ajay Devgan’s Jigar, (which itself is copied from Bloodsport).

 

2. Wheelchair Doran

From the beating of blind people to killing of lame people. Doran Martell an otherwise peaceful character was murdered by Ellaria Sand (played by Indira Varma) without much of a reason. Just imagine the plight of Alexander Siddig, someone must have told him, “You are there in season 6. Only for 2 minutes in the first episode. You read a letter and are stabbed to death.”

Also, why kill him when you can just take his wheelchair away? How far he could have gone???

As I saw him sitting in his wheelchair, I couldn’t help but think, if Game of Thrones was real history, this could have been one of the first wheelchairs. Then I asked myself, why was the first wheelchair ever invented? Wheel is fine, but wheelchair, why?? How many disabled or paralyzed people it took for someone to think, “What if we make a chair with wheels? We can just let those without legs roll. We can also go lame bowling.”

3. Jaime screws up big-time

Jaime Lannister returned unsuccessfully from Dorne, as Myrcella was poisoned. Yeah, he might have brought her in one piece, but that was surely not the deal. As a married man, I was shit scared. If I mess up the grocery list, my wife treats me like a shopping cart and drags me to the mall and makes me watch her shop. Though Cersei is not Jaime’s wife, but we all know how unreasonable she can be. Even here, she is totally unpredictable. We thought she will go all Pearl Harbour on Jaime, but no, she is super calm and gentle. Thankfully, Jaime didn’t ask her, “What happened to your hair???”, else he would have to start using that gold hand more often.

JaimeandCersei

4. Khaleesi Gains Weight!!!

Khaleesi has gained weight. Khaleesi was picked up by Drogon and dropped off at a random land, where Dothrakis take her to the new Khal Moro. She is still trying to play the “Mother of Dragon” card and is equally annoying. The only difference is she has put on weight. We don’t know the reason. Drogon might have been firing up the barbeque for her, but Khaleesi’s slightly heavier look is of concern. If she ever gets to sit on the iron throne, she should at least fit in it. I hope she loses weight at the Khal Widow Women’s Association or the KWMM (Khal Widhwa Mahila Mandal).

khaleesifat

5. Melisandre is the bathtub lady from “The Shining”

We were hoping that Melisandre does something to him. She does come back and show us the first pair of titties for season 6, but the joy was short-lived. It is clearly inspired from Kubrick’s ‘The Shining’ where a pretty hot lady turns into an old hag as she kisses Jack Nicholson.

theshiningmeme

The big kept secret is still a secret. Is Jon Snow really dead? I mean he is almost, but why aren’t they destroying the body yet??? Bury him, burn him, but do something. He is not doing anything just lying down there. Everyone says he is dead, but unless they destroy his body completely, there is still hope.

jonsnow

This is what a Mumbaikar has to say about Pune!!!

Standard
This is what a Mumbaikar has to say about Pune!!!

Pune is a strange city with weird traffic rules of its own. Every two-wheeler comes with an inbuilt traffic cop, who makes up rules on the fly. The only rule followed here is “Rules Chya Aai Chi”, which means “Screw All Rules”. I moved to Pune last year and people here almost drive everywhere, and everyone thinks they are driving a Ferrari. Someone new to Pune will find this traffic more confusing than Bollywood film affairs. This and few other things about Pune are captured beautifully in this short but sweet video by Mandar Bhide, a Pune-based comic.  Mandar Bhide, a Marathi boy from Mumbai sells chocolate for a living and tells jokes for getting a life. He moved to Pune last year but spends most of his time on the expressway. This video is a must watch for all Punekars and especially those studying in Symbiosis!!!

 

If you like him, you can subscribe to the YouTube channel and follow him on Mandar Bhide Twitter

 

Is accidental PRegnancy really that bad?

Standard
Is accidental PRegnancy really that bad?

There are two types of pregnancies in the world. The ones that make you buy a new car and the others that make you look for the nearest dumpster. Thanks to the current Indian prime minister’s cleanliness drive, it has become real easy for us Indians to find the nearest dumpster. Also, he is from Gujarat, so girls think getting pregnant is going to get them a Padma Award or something, in reality, all they are going to get is a girl or boy, who they can call Padma Shri or Padma Bhushan based on the gender. If it is something in between, you can just dump it, without even looking for a name or a bag.

UnplannedPregnancy

Recently my father’s friend came home crying, “Hey, my daughter got pregnant. What has she done? How will she get married now?” I said, “Don’t give up uncle, what if it’s a boy???”

In Indian society, an accidental pregnancy is considered blasphemy. Ideally, any pregnancy should be considered evil. I mean, we already have over a billion people and one less idiot is not going to hurt us. The moment, someone uploads a picture of their newborn on Facebook, I feel like writing, “Amen!!! Don’t worry Jesus will cure him.” The rate at which we are growing, I think sanitary pads are soon going out of business. It feels like a dream world full of spread legs and swollen bellies.

Why girls get accidentally pregnant?

kyakehna

Here is a strange law of nature, ‘Guys cannot get pregnant!!!’. The one who owns the oven bakes the cookies. Also, most boys are like the arrogant rich kid with the bat. “Meri batting ho gayi mai ghar jaa raha hoon!!!” (I am going home after I am done with my batting). Then begins the long wait for the next kid with the bat.

Is accidental pregnancy really that bad?

Few years back, a good friend of mine asked me for some relationship advice. She loved a guy who loved her back. She wanted to marry him, but her parents were against the marriage. I gave her the perfect solution, “Get pregnant!!!” At first, she thought it was a crazy idea, but later she realized that this is the only way out (or into the marriage). Once she accepted the idea. she got married. Now she is a successful single mom, as her husband married her and then dumped her (divorced her).

HitlerHumor

Accidental pregnancy has its own benefits:

  1. It takes away the need to make stupid decisions, like whether I should get married or not, whom do I marry and when to get married? Because answers are simple – Yes, any guy available, and immediately in that order.
  2. Your parents get a solid reason to hate you.
  3. You prove to the world that you can make the babies. You might not have control over it, but still you can make it. It’s like Islamic terrorists who end up blowing themselves while trying to kill others and then get the fame as suicide bombers.

How to handle an accidental pregnancy??

It’s not easy to handle an accidental pregnancy unless you get knocked up every time you drink. Accidental pregnancy gets a bad name because the girls break the news to their parents as if someone accidentally added extra salt while cooking.

preity

There is no need to be upset now when you acted recklessly (read like a slut) then. Carry that bundle of joy (and shame) with pride. If that doesn’t work, then leave town, make that baby and then look for the nearest dumpster.

Life is complicated and accidents happen, but always remember, accidents never make useful babies or the leaders of tomorrow. Accidental pregnancies like recruitment HR cell for gangsters, criminals, politicians and terrorists. So next time you feel naughty, bathe in ice water or use the forbidden hole (loophole) unless accidental is what you are looking for.

Don’t just think about yourself, think about the guy whose life can be destroyed, especially if you are not worth it. Remember, accidents happen, but don’t be one of them.

Accidental pregnancy is bad, but let’s not blow it out of proportion!!!

 

 

Cow sucked my duck!!!

Standard
Cow sucked my duck!!!

India for last one and half years has been debating. In fact that’s the only thing we can do anymore. Anything and everything is up for debate. A debate is supposed to enlighten us, but these debates give us ammunition to strengthen our ignorance. Once such raging topic of debate last year was Beef Ban.

The right wing Hindu cow lovers have claimed that cow is their mother. The beef eaters say that she is not a mother, just a burger. Cows and men, both have died for the cause, but we have still not arrived at a conclusion. There is no scientific evidence to prove that cow is our mother. Gorillas have better chances of being our mother, not because they are hairy, but because they have visible boobs and they peel bananas before eating. The following video can be sensitive to many, but it is important to show this to the world. This exposes the hollowness of the claims of Hindu right wing groups, who try to threaten people with Shankar bhagwaan’s (Lord Shiva’s) trishul. Beef eaters think it is just a fork that can  be used to eat Kerala Beef Chilly!!! What the cow does in this video is absolutely blasphemous. Does this behaviour suit a mother? Would you still love her if she does something like this???

To protect the identity of the cow, we have changed her name to ‘Champa’!!!