Rahul Gandhi Interview: The Real Uncut Version

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The recent RaGa interview by none other than Arnab Goswami has stirred up the nation. The amount of torture we have suffered in the two UPA regimes is nothin in comparison to what the nation suffered in Rahul Gandhi’s three hour interview with Mr. ‘Nation wants to know’ yesterday. The one screened on the TV was an edited and severity dubbed version. We got hold of the copy of the real (read fake) interview thanks to our beloved Looney Darinda – Naughty Racoon.

Before interview…
Arnab: Hi Rahul, how are you?
Rahul: I am good. You have chocolate? Mamma said you give chocolate.
Arnab: Yes, here is your chocolate. (Arnab gave Rahul a Dairy Milk)
Yaay Mujhe Chocolate Mila!!!

Yaay Mujhe Chocolate Mila!!!

Rahul: Mamma waiting downstairs, I want to go.
Arnab: Naa beta, let’s quickly finish the interview. I will give you lollipop after the interview.
Rahul: I want BEER!!!
Sonia (Whispering) : No pappu no!!!
Rahul: Ok Mamma!!!
Interview begins:
Frankly Speaking

Frankly Speaking

Arnab: Hi Rahul. Welcome to Times Now.
Rahul: Hi.
Arnab: Rahul, I will come straight to the point here. Why do you call Modi a murderer?
Rahul: Yes. Modi ke naam mein hi murder hai.
Arnab: What do you mean?
Rahul: MO DI = MOut DI. He is the messenger of death.
Arnab: So by the same logic, your surname Gandhi means… Gaa….
Rahul (To Sonia): Mamma dekho naam ka majak uda raha hai!!! [This portion was edited]
Arnab: Moving forward, what is the difference between 1984 riots and 2002 riots.
[Rahul takes out his mobile and calculates]
Rahul: [After 5 long minutes] 18
Arnab: 18?
Rahul: Yes, 18. It’s simple… 2002 – 1984 = 18.
We managed to capture Arnab’s expressions. He looked something like this …
What the fuck you want to say???

What the fuck you want to say???

Arnab: Ok. Now moving forward. What are these 6 bills you keep talking about?
Rahul: The six bills are as following:
One… Electricity Bill … two ummmm … Phone Bill … Horn-bill … Kill Bill … Chai ka Bill (Suck that Modi) and  Bombill!!!
Arnab: Bombill??
Rahul: Yes. It’s Bombay Duck. It’s also called Lotte Maach in Bengali. You must be knowing it.
Arnab: I want to go one on one with Rahul:
Cameraman: Sir, but the interview is one on one.
Arnab: Rahul, never ever, never ever, ever never, never never, dare call me a Bengali. I am Assamese.
Rahul: Sorry Shaktimaan.
[After some time, the interview had to be stopped, because Rahul wanted to do Ghoda Ghoda. Arnab refused, as he was already taking Rahul for a ride. We manage]
Arnab: What do you mean by women empowerment?
Rahul: Before UPA government, Meenakshi Natrajan was not a Tunch Maal. After ten years of UPA rule, she is now a tunch maal. Our official spokesperson has made our position very clear.
Diggi Raja Tunch Maal

Diggi Raja Tunch Maal

Arnab: Rahul, why do you need 12 cylinders?
Rahul: We believe in women empowerment. So we have increased the prices so high that people cannot eat outside, anymore. Hence, people need 12 cylinders. “9 cylinder se baat nahi ban rahi!!!”
Like an external viva teacher, Arnab tried his best to get some answer that made sense, but sadly he failed. In the end he gave up and decided to take Rahul out for beer. Arnab’s close friends have said that he wants to retire (a rumor we do not want to believe. We leave you with the scenes after the interview (Courtesy: Toon of the Day)
Teri Keh ke Loonga!!!

Teri Keh ke Loonga!!!

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