Padmaavat shouldn’t have been released. I always thought so, but not for the reasons the controversy is going on. Have a look at my stand-up video to find out why!!!
If Sachin Tendulkar is the world’s best cricketer and Lata Mangeshkar the best playback singer in India, then why are we treating them like untouchables? Untouchability was abolished long back then why do we still separate some people from the masses and don’t allow others to joke about them?
The fact is we in Indian society have designed a way everyone is supposed to live their lives. Any variance will be dealt with strictly and we will go after you. The problem is, you won’t realize the danger unless this rule is applied against you.
To get a context of what I am saying, you need to first look at the below clip by AIB’s Tanmay Bhat.
A lot of people are upset about Tanmay’s video saying that he cannot disrespect Sachin or he should not talk about Lataji’s death. The harsh reality is that everyone dies. God forbid if that day ever comes for these two legends, I have no idea how I will react, but I know one thing for sure, on that day, death won’t discriminate. If death does not discriminate between the successful or unsuccessful, the rich and poor, why should comedy?
Tanmay Bhat is a comedian and you might not like his style of comedy. It is your right to do so, but blowing things out of proportion is unnecessary. People say that insulting these legends is not comedy. I say what’s funny is not insulting. In a world of your word v/s mine, there are no winners. If you find it funny, laugh about it, if you don’t, just ignore it. A comedian’s job is tough. He will do anything to make you laugh. Make fun of his parents, wife, siblings, grandfather, political situation, religion, sportsperson etc. In this noisy world, people these days have become so snobbish that is difficult to make them listen to you, leave alone make them laugh. Under such circumstances, by tying a comedian’s hands further, we are muting few voices that are willing to speak up.
I also understand that a political party has filed a case against Tanmay Bhat. This is the same party that has been under fire for making speeches and has had its freedom of speech under threat. In that case they should know the best how it is to be at the receiving end of something so horrible. All of us want to speak and when someone tells us what to speak and what not to speak, it hurts? You are like, “Tu hi bol le bhenchod!!” (You say it brother of a beloved sister).
Above all, the fact is Sachin and Lataji both are not expected to be upset about this. They might be too preoccupied with what they are doing. Knowing Sachin, he might not react to this, but may come out of retirement, score a century and answer him with the bat. On the other hand Lataji doesn’t’ even have to say anything she can just sing about it with that beautiful voice of hers.
What we can do is, just wait and watch as once again, the more important issues have been overshadowed by a simple joke, which was unintentional and above all really funny.
We need to stop treating people like untouchables even if it’s the god himself (or herself) and start treating jokes as jokes.
Turning 30, Maggi ban and Bollywood….
Few days back I turned 30. I remember it was at the age of 26, when I first wanted to strangle that annoying kid who called me and my friend ‘uncle’. I was not annoyed because he called me an uncle, it was the timing. That little piece of dumpster turd did it when I was bursting crackers, my favorite childhood activity. It was like waking you up in the middle of a wet dream with a bucket full of ice cold water and that was just the beginning. Silver linings in my hair had started itching like sweaty underwear after a long workday. Time passed quickly, I turned 29 and before I could realize the dreaded 30s were at the doorstep knocking heavily. The winter was coming and this was going to be a long one.
CHAPTER 1: The long list of People
I started feeling like a TV series or a movie character who has been around long enough without any great contribution to the plot. It is fine if you are an extra, but not when you are the lead actor of your life. This part of growing up was usually clipped in 70s/80s Bollywood movies. The hero’s parents die, he starts working, deceived by the bad guy, starts running on the road in shorts and suddenly grows up and he is wearing pants. Just like that 20-25 years of your life summed up in less than 30 seconds. First few years of your life are in fact like the first few minutes of a 70s Bollywood movie. It is happy and star studded, the cast being…
Mother (Ek Maa) – Jo karti hai tumse pyaar, kabhi daatati hai, kabhi maarti hai magar pyaar se khana khilati hai (A mother who loves you, scolds you and still feeds you before)
Father (Ek Baap) – Jise tum weekdays pe sirf morning and evening (Office jaate hue aur office se aate hue) mein dekhte hon par weekend pein unhi ke saath rehte ho (A father who is mostly busy on weekdays, but makes sure he spends time with you on weekends)
Sister/Brother/Both (Ek Behen/Bhai/Dono) – Jo tumse jhagade rehte hai, par doosro ki daat se tumhe bachate hai (A sister, who fights with you, but will protect you when you are being scolded)
A series of treacherous girlfriends (number various from 0 to 1000, based on your flirting skills or imagination ability)
A lot of friends and a few close ones (who stick around with you – tumhari lene ke liye)
By the time you are thirty, a person, who in most cases is not present in the first half of life becomes the main character, pulling most of the strings in your life. Of course I am talking about ‘The Wife’, ‘Biwi’, ‘Patni’, ‘Baayko’, whatever you want to call her, it does not change. She is like the actress, without whom, the movie can be complete, only if you want it to become a boring documentary.
Another two people who enter your life are the ‘in-laws’. The two main characters that fall in this category are ‘father in law’ and ‘mother in law’. In most cases, ‘father in law’ is the calm one, while the ‘mother in law’ … well that needs a dedicated blog post. (Disclaimer: I am purely joking here. I repeat, purely joking).
CHAPTER 2: The never ending questions
When you turn thirty, your life becomes a bag full of questions? Like, ‘Why the fuck do I exist?’, ‘Why the fuck this world exists?, ‘What is the meaning of my life?’ etc. Your body takes the form of an ugly external viva examiner and starts asking you questions too – ‘Why the fuck do you drink so much?, ‘Why the fuck can’t you control your diet?’, ‘Why the fuck do you get tired after just three rounds of masturbation?
Remember, you have a wife? So she has her endless list of questions, which is as big and as pointless as Kim Kardashian’s ass. Wives and girlfriends have doubts in a dumb Sharukh Khan movie. You can gauge the number of questions by that. The bigger problem is that these questions aren’t meant to be answered. You just have to keep milking them for a happy relationship. With every answer comes the probability of it being wrong, which in a man’s case is almost 100 %.
The most dangerous being, “When should we squeeze one out?” i.e., “When can we have our own parcel of joy?”.
CHAPTER 3: The Changes
30 is the age when you realize that the things that were important part of your childhood are not relevant any more. “He Man”, “Tales Pin”, “Jungle Book”, “Parle G”, “Monaco”, ”Maggi”, “Mamta Kulkarni” are few members of the long list. I know that “Change is the only constant”, but having Maggi banned two days before my 30th birthday was a big shock.
Coming to more relevant things, you have the strange realization that your parents are old. Your dad, the strongest man you have ever seen, needs your help. You start seeing yourself in his position few years back. Your mother who used to pick you up from school every day needs to be picked up from the railway station. Suddenly you are the captain, you are the one to switch off all the lights before sleeping. You are the one to pay the bills, the protector of the realm. 30’s is the age, when you realize that you are not a mere lead actor who is acting out the plot, but you are the writer, director, actor, producer and even the spot boy of the film. You are not just contributing to plot, you are writing it, this plot has just started…
There are two people that do not need any introduction. First, is Mr. Kamaal R Khan (aka KRK) and second is Deepika Padukone (aka Bharat ki Beti). Both have their unique way of staying in news. The only difference being, KRK doesn’t have to flaunt his cleavage to do so or go to war with a leading newspaper. Instead he chooses porn star and celebrity bashing. Recently, there was a video released by Vogue Magazine where Deepika talks about a lot of things, like the rights to not wear a bindi or whatever clothes she wears, having sex with whoever she wants, inside marriage, outside marriage as it is her choice. Though we find the video totally ridiculous, we do not criticize her for this, because for sure these words are definitely not “her choice” or her words and even if they are they are none of our business. If you need a brushing up on this video, you can visit the below link.
When this video was out, us Indians reacted the way we would have reacted to this Robot Chicken – Game of Thrones parody, i.e. we get outraged.
These days, our first reaction is outrage. No happiness, no joy, no sorrow, no anger, we skip everything and jump straight to raw outrage. Unfortunately, social media has made us way too vocal, especially about the irrelevant things. The satisfaction we get after defending Anushka’s presence at Sydney or bashing an Aaptard/BJP Bhakt is the same as that of a kid whose mother lets him watch 3 episodes of Tom and Jerry without interruption. After the Vogue Empower video was released, my Facebook news feed was full of the “cool” comments in support of video and “regressive” comments opposing the video. One such reaction to the video, which is obviously labelled as regressive, stupid, idiotic by many is KRK’s review of Deepika Padukone’s video.
Since the “cleavage fight incident” that was perfectly timed around the release of “Finding Fanny”, Deepika is seen as a modern girl who is targeted because of her free and open lifestyle and also to some extent a victim of internet bullying. The fact is, you don’t know internet bullying unless you are following KRK on his Facebook page. People wait for him to post something, just so they can reply with abusive comments and memes. There are many like me who have joined his page, just to read these abusive comments (trust me they are fun). For someone with a such hyper-negative PR score, to take on a popular super actress takes a lot of guts and that is why our team has decided to post this video. Along with this, KRK at no point is critical of Deepika, in fact he has detailed out all the things that she has listed and provided counter arguments for the same and we think this is the most civilized way to respond or debate. KRK’s only fault here is that he is KRK and is not polished in the way he presents things. Still, this video is a much better watch than that vogue empower video, which barely qualifies as a bad shampoo commercial. For starters, this one is really hilarious (because it is KRK) and has awesome quotes such as,
“Sande ka tel lagakar apne hathiyaar ki maalish” , “Saath saal ka budha apne padosi ki 16 saal ki beti ke saath”, “Deepika isko deti hai, usko deti hai” etc. i.e. typical KRK stuff. Also, KRK is amongst the few have questioned not only Deepika, but also Homi Adajania (who owes me Rs. 500 for that stupid movie Cocktail, which I left half way through, as I got a headache). He has asked him, “agar Bhabhi apne boyfriend ko ghar lekar aati hai to that is bhabhi ki choice”. Though we are not taking any sides in this whole debate, i.e. who is right or who is wrong, still we think KRK is being targeted and criticized unfairly and just because he is KRK and not a typical Page 3 personality like Deepika or Homi Adajania.
Dubsteps are hilarious and Bollywood has style, but when both are combined magic happens.The YouTube channel ‘Pinch and Punch’ have created some super cool Dubsteps of the Bollywood Yesteryear greats, which are pure gold. So far they have done dubstep videos for Govinda, Amrish Puri, Akshay Kumar, Prem Chopra and above all Mother of Bollywood – Rakhi. While all the videos are out of this world, Rakhi dubstep is from a different Galaxy altogether.
1. Akshay Kumar – Apne ko Kya Hai!!!
2. Amrish Puri – Premi hai, Pagal hai, Deewana hai Mogambo!!!
3. Prem Chopra – Hi Bhabhi!!! Prem naam hai mera, Prem Chopra!!!
4. Govinda – Naam hi Kaafi Hai!!!
5. Rakhi – Mere Karan Arjun Ayenge!!! (What else????) **** MUST WATCH****