Category Archives: politics

Dear USA – Elections are just the beginning!!!

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Dear USA – Elections are just the beginning!!!

Dear United States of America,

By the time you read this, the 2016 Presidential elections must have been over, or you might be on your way to cast your vote or might just be hanging out somewhere not giving a shit about all this.  Many of you might be relieved that the elections are finally over, but it will be foolish to say that everything will go back to normal. With the conclusion of these elections, the game has just begun.Breaking News – The ugly game has just begun with these elections. 

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First of all, congratulations on the 2nd most divisive elections of the century. You have now achieved something we accomplished back in 2014. The Hillary v/s Trump battle must have been a shock for you, but for us Indians, it was a wonderful retrospection. Before 2014, we did not know that we could have been so divided. Unity in diversity was our strength, but in 2014 all of our diversity was divided into two parts. Something on the lines of – The Right Wingers and The Liberals. These divisions have always been there in your society, but this time it is more like, “If you are not with me, screw you, your mum and your chef” divided. These two sections of the society claim that they unconditionally love the nation as long as you believe in ‘their idea of the nation’. I have been unfriended by my so called liberal friends because, in 2014, I supported the political party with a more right wing inclination. I never wanted to silence the voices of my pro-left friends, because unless we hear opposing voices, we cannot correct ourselves and also they are way cooler than my right wing friends to hang out with. Now I get a feeling that our society has been deeply fractured and the damage is irreparable. I see something similar happening in the USA and no matter who comes to power unless you get a hold of yourself or to put in a language you would understand, “Unless you get your shit together” matters are just going to get worse. 

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My Indian friends often ridicule fellow Indians who are interested in the US elections, but then we have every right to do so. The USA for a long time has been acting like that plumber, in a porn movie, who claims to help you, but instead screws you wife and leaves. It is USA’s increasing interference in other nations that makes us feel interested in your elections. Even though we had our own election two years back and it was tiring one, still watching you guys have a go at each other is a wonderful reminder of the old days. 

Why are the two elections similar?

In 2014, we had an incumbent ruling party i.e. Indian National Congress (INC) that was corrupt, inefficient and to some extent totally useless. The traditional right-wing party, “Bharatiya Janata Party” has had its series of brief love affairs with the Indian people, but a lack of strong leadership usually kept them away from the centre. In 2014, they found really strong and decisive leader in Narendra Modi, who was viewed  by Indians as a ‘Messiah’ to end the domination of corrupt INC. The BJP supporters took their support to social media platforms, which initially was met with no opposition, as people seriously had no time to give a shit about politics earlier. Soon this support turned almost into an uprising, and opposing voices realised that they need to do something. They revived the old rhetoric of ‘2002 Gujarat Riots’ and started holding the then Chief Minister of Gujarat directly responsible for the riots and killing of thousands of Muslims. In the meanwhile, the right started bashing Congress and anyone supporting them with charges of corruption. Both sides were shamelessly going at each other. So the fight that started as someone v/s the corrupt incumbent government, changed to ‘Corrupt and Useless Incumbent’ v/s ‘Rise of the Right Wing Bigot’. Rings a bell???

Obama administration might not be as bad as the Indian National Congress because no one can be as bad as Indian National Congress. Still, there are serious charges against Hillary Clinton, who is in a way representing the incumbent administration. Their foreign policies have got the world into a sort of a mini shit storm. People in the US are not happy with the quality of jobs, even these jobs are being taken away by immigrants, so there is some anger which was leveraged by Donald Trump to build a strong case against the government. His comments against Muslims and Mexicans created an image of a bigot but seen by his supporters as someone who is truly patriotic. He has successfully revived the feelings of nationalism amongst his supporters. Hillary’s pro-immigration stand just acted like fuel to this fire. The Pro-Hindu message by Modi government was literally copied by Donald Trump. 

The Mischevious Role of Media:

Media is said to be a reflection of the society, but in 2014, this mirror was broken for us and everyone saw their own version of the reflection. Media channels had taken sides.

They have adjusted the amplifiers and filters as per their inclination. Normally it’s the government that does the brainwashing, but during Indian elections, every political outfit was doing it. Brainwashing by media was had turned the common man into brain bashers. Social media in the times of this political chaos acts like the rat that deserts the sinking ship. You know the shit has hit the fan when memes turn political. Before 2014, I logged in to Facebook because it was a fun place to hang out, so was twitter. After 2014 elections, I moved to the sites in the US, because Indian websites and social media pages had all turned political. American pages were doing just fine until Hillary bought them off (at least the pages I follow). Websites like Mashable, Uproxx and even individuals like George Takei started showing a political bias, which left me clueless, ‘where to next’. Thank god for Xvideos, which is still not political and should continue to remain so. 

Things just get worse from here!!! 

By the time you read this, you might have already known who the President is, but this is just the beginning. It does not get over with the elections. It gets scarier and deadlier. The losing side starts taking it personally and goes into a rage. The rational criticism of the government turns into blind criticism. This is countered by blind support and faith in the government. This makes a perfect recipe for disaster. The chain of events can lead to the kind of explosion which won’t hurt physically but is mentally taxing and injurious to the society. 

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I have never seen a society more vocal, more associating themselves with the politicians. Earlier, I thought the politicians divided us, but in 2014 it was pretty clear that they were just highlighting or exposing the differences amongst us and we took care of the rest. People I have liked, I have been close friends with started looking at me as a monster, I started hating them too, but this idea of listening to the opposing voices is deeply programmed in my DNA, thanks to the ass whooping given by my teachers in the school, that’s why I did not block them or unfriend them. Unfortunately, they have. I see the Americans going down a similar road. You cannot recover soon unless you make efforts to do so. With this blog, I want to request my Indian and American friends to get together and restore some sanity in the society. Let us show the governments and anyone else, that they cannot divide us any further. Let us show them that people with opposing views can exist. Let us pick the best and progress rather that saying that I am the best and that’s the only way we can progress. 

Let’s love, let’s talk, let’s listen and most importantly let’s think!!! 

monkey

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Cow sucked my duck!!!

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Cow sucked my duck!!!

India for last one and half years has been debating. In fact that’s the only thing we can do anymore. Anything and everything is up for debate. A debate is supposed to enlighten us, but these debates give us ammunition to strengthen our ignorance. Once such raging topic of debate last year was Beef Ban.

The right wing Hindu cow lovers have claimed that cow is their mother. The beef eaters say that she is not a mother, just a burger. Cows and men, both have died for the cause, but we have still not arrived at a conclusion. There is no scientific evidence to prove that cow is our mother. Gorillas have better chances of being our mother, not because they are hairy, but because they have visible boobs and they peel bananas before eating. The following video can be sensitive to many, but it is important to show this to the world. This exposes the hollowness of the claims of Hindu right wing groups, who try to threaten people with Shankar bhagwaan’s (Lord Shiva’s) trishul. Beef eaters think it is just a fork that can  be used to eat Kerala Beef Chilly!!! What the cow does in this video is absolutely blasphemous. Does this behaviour suit a mother? Would you still love her if she does something like this???

To protect the identity of the cow, we have changed her name to ‘Champa’!!!

 

By changing your Facebook profile pic, you have signed up for the world’s biggest ORGY!!!

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By changing your Facebook profile pic, you have signed up for the world’s biggest ORGY!!!

By changing your profile pic, you have actually signed up for the world’s biggest orgy dated 30th Oct 2015.

Spiderman Orgy

Yes…ORGY!!!

Recently when India’s Prime Minister did what he does best, visited a foreign country called USA to meet Mark Zuckerberg, both of them painted their DPs with something resembling the Indian tricolor to support Digital India campaign. Ladies and gentleman, I am sorry to break this to you, but Facebook has duped you into signing up for the world’s biggest orgy and it is not Internet.org.  This orgy will be full of tall men and sexy women. Do you really want to be a part of something as immoral as this?

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Anyone who has changed his/her profile picture has automatically accepted an invitation to this orgy. If you are not present you will be castrated. The orgy will be organized across the globe and will be live streamed on Facebook. The orgy will be available in 14 different Indian languages, which includes Tamil, Marathi, Hindi and of course Gujarati. Looney Darindey strongly supports this move and suggests that you show up with a truly nationalist chaddi (underwear) for this orgy. While the orgy is no contest, but land of Kamasutra has a lot at stake.

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We know that we are not fit enough to try any of the asans mentioned in Kamasutra, except Gujaratis who can try besan, still we have to put an amazing show.

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Below are some FAQs which should clear all your doubts about this Facebook Maha Orgy –

Q. Can I get my wife along?

A. No matter how ugly she is, we will find a man for her.

Q. What do I do with my kids when I am at the orgy?

A. It is not easy to become an irresponsible parent in India, but we can totally help you with this. We can give you nice plastic bags with a duct tape to silence your kids. If you want, we can also lock up your kids in the basement with Sharma uncle, who is known for his love of kids

Q. How long will the orgy last?

A. Longer than your husband has ever lasted.

Q. What is the age limit?

A. Anyone above 18 is allowed as long as it is a human and is not a severe case of HIV.

Q. Is outside food allowed?

A. Yes. As long as you are willing to swallow and not spit.

Q. What if I don’t show up?

A. If you are a woman, we will eat you out. If you are a man, we don’t give a shit. Really don’t show up.

Q. What are the expectations of us?

A. Grow up and stop taking Facebook seriously.

Seriously people, this Digital India and internet.org debate has gone way too far. People don’t care whether you want to paint your profile pic and look like a dick or you want to oppose it with stupid articles and look like a dick. Still, if you have anymore questions about the orgy, please mail us at looneydarindey@gmail.com.

Meanwhile in Australia…

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Rahul Gandhi Interview: The Real Uncut Version

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The recent RaGa interview by none other than Arnab Goswami has stirred up the nation. The amount of torture we have suffered in the two UPA regimes is nothin in comparison to what the nation suffered in Rahul Gandhi’s three hour interview with Mr. ‘Nation wants to know’ yesterday. The one screened on the TV was an edited and severity dubbed version. We got hold of the copy of the real (read fake) interview thanks to our beloved Looney Darinda – Naughty Racoon.

Before interview…
Arnab: Hi Rahul, how are you?
Rahul: I am good. You have chocolate? Mamma said you give chocolate.
Arnab: Yes, here is your chocolate. (Arnab gave Rahul a Dairy Milk)
Yaay Mujhe Chocolate Mila!!!

Yaay Mujhe Chocolate Mila!!!

Rahul: Mamma waiting downstairs, I want to go.
Arnab: Naa beta, let’s quickly finish the interview. I will give you lollipop after the interview.
Rahul: I want BEER!!!
Sonia (Whispering) : No pappu no!!!
Rahul: Ok Mamma!!!
Interview begins:
Frankly Speaking

Frankly Speaking

Arnab: Hi Rahul. Welcome to Times Now.
Rahul: Hi.
Arnab: Rahul, I will come straight to the point here. Why do you call Modi a murderer?
Rahul: Yes. Modi ke naam mein hi murder hai.
Arnab: What do you mean?
Rahul: MO DI = MOut DI. He is the messenger of death.
Arnab: So by the same logic, your surname Gandhi means… Gaa….
Rahul (To Sonia): Mamma dekho naam ka majak uda raha hai!!! [This portion was edited]
Arnab: Moving forward, what is the difference between 1984 riots and 2002 riots.
[Rahul takes out his mobile and calculates]
Rahul: [After 5 long minutes] 18
Arnab: 18?
Rahul: Yes, 18. It’s simple… 2002 – 1984 = 18.
We managed to capture Arnab’s expressions. He looked something like this …
What the fuck you want to say???

What the fuck you want to say???

Arnab: Ok. Now moving forward. What are these 6 bills you keep talking about?
Rahul: The six bills are as following:
One… Electricity Bill … two ummmm … Phone Bill … Horn-bill … Kill Bill … Chai ka Bill (Suck that Modi) and  Bombill!!!
Arnab: Bombill??
Rahul: Yes. It’s Bombay Duck. It’s also called Lotte Maach in Bengali. You must be knowing it.
Arnab: I want to go one on one with Rahul:
Cameraman: Sir, but the interview is one on one.
Arnab: Rahul, never ever, never ever, ever never, never never, dare call me a Bengali. I am Assamese.
Rahul: Sorry Shaktimaan.
[After some time, the interview had to be stopped, because Rahul wanted to do Ghoda Ghoda. Arnab refused, as he was already taking Rahul for a ride. We manage]
Arnab: What do you mean by women empowerment?
Rahul: Before UPA government, Meenakshi Natrajan was not a Tunch Maal. After ten years of UPA rule, she is now a tunch maal. Our official spokesperson has made our position very clear.
Diggi Raja Tunch Maal

Diggi Raja Tunch Maal

Arnab: Rahul, why do you need 12 cylinders?
Rahul: We believe in women empowerment. So we have increased the prices so high that people cannot eat outside, anymore. Hence, people need 12 cylinders. “9 cylinder se baat nahi ban rahi!!!”
Like an external viva teacher, Arnab tried his best to get some answer that made sense, but sadly he failed. In the end he gave up and decided to take Rahul out for beer. Arnab’s close friends have said that he wants to retire (a rumor we do not want to believe. We leave you with the scenes after the interview (Courtesy: Toon of the Day)
Teri Keh ke Loonga!!!

Teri Keh ke Loonga!!!

Jaam Aadmi Party – Is baar daru bahegi!!!

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Ab Bharat mein daru bahegi!!!

Ab Bharat mein daru bahegi!!!

After massive betrayal of the people of India at the hands of Aam Aadmi Party or Palm Aadmi Party (PAP as we call them now), we have decided to launch a party actually willing to stand by its principles and not compromise. It may sound cliché but is actually true. Above all rights in the world, lies the ‘Right to Drink’. We in India are oppressed as drinkers and labeled as ‘Drunkards’. The purpose of ‘Jaam Aadmi Party’ is to create a Free Thinking society that respects the ‘Drinkers’ and gets them into mainstream.

OUR QUESTIONS:

Q. Why should drinking be limited to Pubs, bars or households?

Q. Why does the society look down upon drinkers?

Q. Why does an individual have to wait 18 years and 21 years before he/she can start drinking?

Q. Why is drinking not taught as a subject in school?

Q. Why is drinking not allowed in public?

OUR VISION:

60 years ago India’s founding forefathers had a dream for all of us – a dream of an equal and just society where every man, woman and child has the right and privilege to drink to satisfy their souls, free from all kinds of oppression. This was a dream and a hope over 60 years ago. The Constitution of India is supposed to have a great focus on drinking. In fact, the Preamble to the Constitution should define a clear roadmap for the future drinkers of our country wherein the common man and woman can hold their glass and the power to decide their drinks.

Today nobody can say that India has achieved this dream. Before independence the common man was a slave to foreign powers; today he has become a slave of the costly foreign liquor. There is a new master in our country today – the political ‘Bartender’. This ’Bartender’, who provides free liquor during elections, and then forgets us after he wins, this political entity decides the common man’s drinking destiny.

But every civilization reaches a plimsoll line of tolerance or the brim of the glass. This is our line. India’s common drinker has had enough of oppression, inequality, injustice and un-kept promises. For the last few years our pro drinking movement has galvanised the country from end to end into one common voice – a voice that is demanding a complete re-haul in the way political ‘bartenders’ and their leaders function.

This national demand for a change in the way our drinking system works has forced our pro drinking drive to enter the political arena to clean it from the inside. Drinking is not a dirty act – it is our current breed of drinkers who have made it dirty. Jaam Aadmi Party wants to make drinking a noble calling once again.

We want to create a system where the political leaders we elect and place in the Parliament are directly responsible to the voters who elected them. Our party’s vision is to realise the dream of SWADRINK that Aandhi Daruwala had envisaged for a free drinking India – where the power of selecting and the rights of mixing and consuming their drinks will be in hands of the people of India.

OUR SLOGANS:

  1. Piyo sang paani Piyo sang soda, Jyada nahi to thoda thoda!!
  2. Don’t fear drink beer, koi kuch bole to Jaam Aadmi Party is Here!!
  3. Piyo jameen ke upar, piyo neeche aasmaan ke, Jeete hai shaan se aur peete hai sanmaan se!!
  4. We are not here for votes, just to raise a toast.
  5. Ab Bharat mein daru bahegi!!!

We are a small party, with a big thought and we are not here for votes. We just want to raise a toast. If you agree with us and want to be a part of this, just mail us at jaamaadmiparty@gmail.com or comment below.