Category Archives: Uncategorized

Awesome spoof of Fortune’s ‘Ghar ka Khana’ ad will absolutely blow your mind!!!

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Awesome spoof of Fortune’s ‘Ghar ka Khana’ ad will absolutely blow your mind!!!

Few months back, Fortune’s ‘Ghar ka Khana’ ad had taken social media by storm. As always, everything that shines on social media is not gold (most of the times it is utter bullshit). We found this ad total crap and we think it is scarier than the cute kitten emails. In fact, in our blog post, This advertisement is the real beginning of the end for humanity!!! we explained in detail how this is a conspiracy by cats and dogs to take over the world. The other day someone shared a mind blowing parody, which is hilarious and far more honest. You have to see it to believe it. It is a heart-warming tale of two close friends. One is on the hospital bed for hitting on a body builder’s girlfriend and this other gandu keeps visiting him, but the cute nurse keeps asking him to ‘fuck off’!!! What happens next is something you have to see for yourself.

P.S. The nurse is kind of cute!!!

Deo Das ki baas ke traas ka door karo ehsaas!!!

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Deo Das ke baarein mein to aap jaante hi honge.

Kya kaha nahi jaante??? Arre ye wahi haiwain hai… jiski badbu se naak ka har baal kaap uthta hai. Jiske aate hi bade bade room freshener bhi almari mein chhup jaate hai aur gayab ho jate hai gumnami ki galiyon mein. Is ki haiwaniyat ka kissa yoon to hum aapko pehle bhi suna chuke hai, par ek aur baar hum brief mein aur grief mein dohra dete hai…

Yeh kahani hai us shaitan ki us haiwan ki us gire hue insaan ki “jo ghusta hai lift mein lagaye bina deo… Aur phir kehta hai 4 press kar diyo.”

Ye baat hai pichle mahine ki 12 taareekh ki … Subah ka samay tha…. Traffic se hairan pareshaan hokar kuch masoom log office pahuche hi the. lift mein ghus kar lift band Karne hi wale hi the ki ek aawaaz aayi… “hold hold hold”. logo ko laga ki koi bechara hai…but little did they know ki BEchare ki shakal mein wo to ek BHEdiya hai. Jaise hi wo andar ghusa aur lift band ki… Log cheekhne chillane lag Gaye….rumal naak par rakh kar apni jaan bachane ki koshish karne lag Gaye. Us rakshas ki badbu se sabki jaan khatre mein aa gayi thi. Jaan bachane ke sare efforts vyarth the… Jab 4 floor pe he opened lift door, sirf Deo Das tha aur baaki sab behosh pade the. Lift ke bahar ke log ye nazara dekh kar hakke bakke reh gaye. Bahar aate hi Deo Das bola….

“Mera naam hai Deo Das, mujhme se aati hai baas Yeh aam nahi hai hai kuch khaas, I can make behosh any lad and lass, Mera naam hai Deo Das…”

Sach to ye hai ki ye haiwan sirf lift mein hi nahi milta… humein bus mein bhi milta hai, local train mein bhi milta hai aur kabhi kabhi to auto rickshaw mein bhi mil jata hai. Is darinde se bachne ke liye humne kya kya nahi kiya… Lift mein jana band kiya… bus mein chadhna band kiye. Bhari dhoop mein paidal chalkar jaane lage. Is Deo Das se bachne ke liye, jaldi office jaane ke chakkar mein nahana band kar diya. Par ek din office pahuch kar samjha ki is Deo Das se bachne ke chakkar mein hum khud bhi Deo Das hi bante ja rahe hai. Hum apne aapko aine mein tak dekh nahi paa rahe the. Jaise taise udhaari ka deo lekar durgandh chhupakar hum apni seat par pahuche. Seat par jaate hi humne as usual, Youtube.com khola aur waha dekha to kya…

Is video ne mere dil ki baat kehdi aur mein aakhon mein paani bhar gaya. Tabhi maine samjha ki is Deo Das se dat kar muqabla karna hoga. Tabhi maine lakaar lagayi…

“Aaj mein khata hoon ye saugandh… ki ek din mein door karoonga Deo Das ki durgandh!!!”

Lalkaar lagate hi phir kya tha… hum dat gaye aur Deo Das ke armaano ke dhol phat gaye. Phataphat market mein gaye, credit card swipe kiya aur Racold ka heater apne ghar mein laga liye. Ek subah nahane ke baad, ek plastic ki bottle mine Water Heater ka paani bhar liya. Main apni car mein baitha aur jaate waqt maine bus stop pe Deo Das ko dekha. Deo Das meri taraf daudne laga… use laga ki mai darr jaoonga, par use kya pata tha ki aaj uski ‘baas ka traas’ khatam hone wala tha. Mai hila nahi balki Deo Das ke liye car ka darwaaza khola. Darwaaza kholte hi maano durgandh ka bawandar uth gaya ho. Par hum ne bhi thaan rakha tha ki ye wahi hai durgandh, jise mitane ki maine khayi hai saugandh. Jaise hi Deo Das gaadi mein baitha, use laga ki mai kaach band khol doonga. Paar aaj badle ki ghadi thi, aaj waqt tha injustice ke khilaaf aawaaz uthane ka. Tabhi maine Deo Das se bola, “Paani Loge?”. Usne haan bolne ki der thi ki humne plastic ki bottle uske upar ulti kar di. Phir kya tha, smell maano ek hi pal mein “Gayab Gayab Gayab…” aur Deo Das ko ho gaya apni durgandh ka ehsaas. Us din Deo Das ne bhi kha li saugandh,

“Mera naam hai Deo Das, mujhe ho gaya hai ye ehsaas, ki logo ko bulana ho paas to don’t have that disgusting baas”

 Please take a bath every day and at times twice a day… please please please!!! For some awesome bathing and anti-baasing tips log on to Racold Facebook Page!!!

“Issued in interest of World Peace”

Morning Potty, the real joy of life

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Sorry for the long absence. We were busy beating the hell outta each other. There was a major difference of opinion on whether a post about something as preposterous as morning potty should be allowed on to the blog. We took a poll, which turned out to be fifty-fifty. Hence, we had to decide in a fist fight, in which the strong won and the weak were defeated. This fight has resulted into 3 ruptured limbs,2 swollen eyes and 12 broken teeth. But, it was important to hold the ‘Freedom of Artistic Expression’ as high as possible.

Morning Potty – Aadmi ko kya chahiye, do waqt ki Roti aur subah ki ek mast wali potty!!!

One fine day, when ‘Mr. Kinky Cobra’ the author of ‘Sex and the Nighty’  and ‘Hajmolawala’ was busy doing his morning thing, he happened to drop this gem (I mean, Literary Gem). This is by far the most poetic potty in history. Just hold your breath, and feel the morning…

Ah that feeling...

Ah that feeling…

Looney darindey’s looney videos for 2013

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We are already into 2014 and its time we released the list of videos that rocked 2013 for us. From the list of millions of videos present on Youtube, we have short but strong list of 4 videos. Now these videos were not released in 2013, but are still the top videos for Looney Darindey. In 2014, we promise that we will do a complete blog post on all of the singers (except one).

Video 4:

Gandhiji had said, “An eye for an eye will make the whole world blind.” but we say that “Taher Shah’s Eye to Eye will not only make the world blind, but also deaf and may be dead.” So without further ado, we bring  to you “Eye to Eye”.

Video 3:

Do you love Sunday morning? Frankly I prefer Saturday more, but Sunday morning gives you the feel that next day is Monday and you still have a job. One fine Sunday morning, thanks to a friend for mine from Delhi (who does not listen to Yo Yo Honey Singh) shared this wonder from Nepal, Bhim Niroula

Video 2:

The contender for the number two spot is a beast called Jon Lajoie. The creator of videos like ‘High as Fuck’, ‘Rapist glasses’ , ‘Fuck Everythin’, brings to you ‘Show me your genitals!!!’. This video was released almost half a decade back, but still we love it and could listen to this all day long (if high).

The winner for this  contest, no points for guessing again is Radhe Shyam Rasiya Ji. We have already done a detailed blog post Fifty Shades of Radheshyam Rasiya, but here is our winner for 2013.

We hope you like this list and wish you a very very happy new year.

 

 

 

Sex and the ‘Nighty’

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Have you ever thought….why you find the kone wala ‘Bunty ka Mummy’ really hot. Or when you visit Sheela didi’s house late in the evening, you want to spend some more time, just to see Sheela sway from one room to another, while you listen to Mr. Sharma’s jibber jabber. Raghav, the recently married dude, gets laid like a rabbit, every ‘other’ weekend… Why???

The answers to all these questions have been a mystery, a big big mystery for decades. But one that our folks at looney darindey have been able to crack after massive brain storming sessions and some research surveys. The only answer to all these mind-boggling questions is ‘ONE PIECE INDIAN NIGHTY’.

Cute Nighty

Cute Nighty

The sole reason  why every married man gets laid once in a while. The impact of nighty is so huge, that Indian male should focus on #Thankyounighty rather than #Thankyousachin. Sadly, we have been ignoring what our wives want and spent 24 years of our life watching Sachin Tendulkar play. Our research suggests that a simple investment of 2 nighties per year would have helped them get laid 16 more times every year. The exact reason why you find ‘Bunty ki mummy’ sexy – Her husband pays attention to her and she gets laid thrice every week, hence the ‘sexy joy of getting laid’ is there on her face. She passes this sexual energy in the surroundings, thus making everyone in her vicinity bask in the glory of sexual entice.

Naugthy Nighty

Naugthy Nighty

We conducted a survey  among our 4000+ survey participants. These results of our findings were astounding. I mean you have no f’ing idea.

Q. Do your find a woman sexy when she wears a nighty?

Q. Do your find a woman sexy when she wears a nighty?

We asked the above question to different males from the age 18-54. As the pie chart indicates, around 70% answered ‘Yes’. So we decided to dig further.Hence we asked another question – “Do you find the same woman sexy, when she wears jeans?”, and only 40% answered ‘Yes’. With this, it is totally clear that an Indian man finds the average Indian woman more sexy when she wears a nighty.

We took our research to some 100+ married couples. We asked 100 husbands – “Last time they got laid, was your wife was wearing a nighty?”.

Q. What was your wife wearing, when you got laid the last time?

Q. What was your wife wearing, when you got laid the last time?

As the above graph indicates that no other attire even comes close to the ‘mighty nighty’. So, if an average Indian guy wants to get laid, he should keep buying nighties/ the night gowns (as they call it here) for their wives.

Now, the big question. “How many nighties/night gowns are sufficient for you to get laid? “

According to experts, an average Indian male, post the second year of the marriage gets laid only 20 times every year, with willingness of both the parties. At any point of time, an average Indian woman has 2-3 nighties she can wear. Thus in a month, she can wear her nighties only for 4-6 days. Our calculations indicate that when a women is wearing her nighty, the couple gets laid with 35% probability. Thus, out of the 72 (best case scenario) times she is wearing a nighty every year, the  husband can ‘get it’ only 25 times. You can further reduce 5 times, because of ‘Aaj mood nahi hai’ and other issues (which we don’t want to mention here, because we respect women).

If the same woman is given two more nighties, she will have 4-5 nighties to put on, she can wear it for 8-10 nights. Thus, wearing nighties for 120 days in one year.That’s almost 1/3rd of the year. With the same 35% chances, ‘the he’ can bang 42 times in one year. We reduce 6 for ‘being an asshole’ and ‘aaj mood nahi hai’ and ‘other’ reasons, and arrive at the final number of 37. Now folks, that number ain’t bad for two nighties in one year, is it? So, what are you waiting for, go buy that nighty and celebrate.

Why should ‘bunty ki mummy’ get all the action?

Why wait for Sheela to sway, when you can have a Sheela of your own in your house?

Why only Raghav should get laid like a rabbit, every other weekend?

No more Why’s, as we have revealed the secret, that can get you laid almost 16 more times every year.

Our research on nighties is continuing and we would be posting the sequel ‘Sex and the Nighty 2’ explaining why a men and women find nighties sexy – Stay Tuned.

BJ Babu (Reshma ki dukhbhari daastan)

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Sarkari Officers ka bhrastachar to aap jaante hi hai. Par wo is hadd tak gir jaega, ye to humne socha hi nahi tha. Ye kahani hai September mahine ki 12 taarikh ki. Subah 11 bajah ka samay hai. Reshma gayi thi ek sarkari daftar, apni file hilane ko, par waha use kuch aur hi hilana pad gaya.

Subah 10 baje reshma jab ghar se nikli, usne dekha raste par roj ki tarah chahl pahal hai. Is chahal pahal mein Reshma aage badhi. Right side mein gannewala (sugarcane vendor) nichod nichod kar ras nikal raha tha, to left side mein, Munna kakdi aur bhindi bech raha tha. Reshma par dil to dono ka hi tha, par apni apni biwiyo ke darr se wo kabhi uske paas nahi jaate the. Reshma ke red red heel wale jooto ki tup tup se poora mohalla tham jata tha. Ignoring all this, Reshma jab aage badhi to ek auto wala uske paas aakar brake maarta hai aur kehta hai…

“Reshma meri jaan Reshma, baithegi kya meri seat mein???

Tujhe pahoocha doonga darling tere destination…ek hi heart beat mein.”

Rickshaw wale ki is behudgi se naaraz Reshma ne palat waar kiya aur boli

“Aye Rickshaw wale mere peeche apana mat jalana tel, mere dono bhai log, tujhe denge pel…

aur mujhe teri biwi naa samajh…pehen ke Bata, maine achcho achcho ka hai kaata”

Uske baad wo rickshaw mein baith gayi aur rickhaw wale ne apne promise ke mutabik, ek hi heartbeat mein use pahucha diya. Waha utar kar reshma ne apne greeen wallet ko apni grey jeans ki peeche wali pocket se dheere nikala. Kholte hue usne naughty Rickshawala wale ko Rs. 20 ka note diya aur muskura kar waha se nikal gayi. Thodi door chal kar wo us daftar pahuchi, jahan use pata nahi tha ki uske saath kya hone wala hai.

Reshma ke paas jo bag tha, us bag mein kuch aise documents the, jo reshma ke liye beizzati ka paigam banane wale they. Actually 6 months se reshma wo file hilane ki koshish kar rahi thi. Lekin wo phasi thi ek aise haiwan ka taango ke beech, ki reshma use nahi hila paayi. Is officer ka naam to hum aapko nahi bata sakte, par ye jaaroor bata sakte hai ki log use kis naam se bulaya karte hai. Unki haiwaniyat ke charche all four directions mai phaile huye the, jinki wajah se wo kehlate the, ‘BJ BABU”. Reshma ke red heels ki aawaz se chowkidaar aur chaprasi hi nahi sab hi chauk gaye the. Sabhi babu log, apni apni table par dhyaan dena chhod, Reshma ki taraf dekhne lag gaye the. Sab dekh rahe the ki Reshma kis table ki taraf jaa rahi hai. Use “BJ BABU” ki taraf jata dekh sab ne samjha ki aaj kya hone wala hai.

Bade pyaar se Reshma boli, “Kaise hai BJ uncle???”

Us par BJ uncle ho gaya khada apni kursi par aur bola,

“Arre O Reshma, jara laga apna tu chashma. Mujhe bhale hi ho takkal, par nahi mai tera uncle.

Budhha ho ya jawan, sabko chhodu main peeche, jara aake to dekh meri jaan, tu “Table ke neeche”

Bholi bhali Reshma kuch samajh nahi paayi. Uncle use bola, khol khol, jara apni file to khol. Dekhu to usmein kya hai. File ke documents dekh kar BJ BABU Reshma ke dard ki gehrayi samjha. Usne Reshma se kahan,

“Beta, tumhari chaal mein hai style, aur mujhhe pasand hai teri smile, par mere bas mein nahi hai hilanan teri file”

us par Reshma boli, “BJ BABU BJ BABU, kaun sa button main dabu. File nahi sarak rahi, mai to ho rahi hoon ab bekabu”

Uske baad kya jo Reshma ne dekha wo hum aapko describe bhi nahi kar sakte. BJ BABU ki smile dekh kar Reshma samajh gayi ki use kya karna hai. Uske baad kya tha, file table ke upar aur Reshma table ke neeche. Masoom Reshma ki dukh bhari Dastaan sunkar hamara dil dehek utha hai, par afsos ye hai ki BJ BABU abhi bhi chain se table ke neeche baitha hai. Hamare reporters aapke liye laaye hai BJ BABU ka ye ki tasveer aur BJ ko dete hai lalkaar:

“Oye BJ BABU… kaat ke tere naam ka nimbu, khayi hai humne kasam,

Leta ke table ke upar, poori karenge teri maut ki rasam”