GOT Season 6 Episode 2 – Tyrion still drinks and knows things, Arya sucks at begging! and yeah kill the comedian!!

Standard
GOT Season 6 Episode 2 – Tyrion still drinks and knows things, Arya sucks at begging! and yeah kill the comedian!!

Season 6 episode 2, ‘Home’, finally reveals the one thing that we have been waiting for. Before you go ahead or read any further, “This post is dark and full of spoilers”.

melisandre.gif

  1. The annoying raven is back.

Brandon Stark and the Three-Eyed Raven have gone into their ‘Warg’ like mode and are doing their usual “Netflix and Chill”. Suddenly, the old dude realizes that Game of Thrones is on HBO and tells Bran it’s enough. They were checking out Ned Stark fighting with people. Fortunately, this time, he doesn’t get his head chopped off, but the old dude doesn’t want Bran to get addicted, so he pulls the plug and they are back in their dungeon of dry sticks.  Meera Reed and the weird girl are both sitting outside in a weird Indian style shitting posture, discussing shit. The only important takeaway from this scene is, “Hodor can talk!!!”. Yes, he can and it’s more than “Hodor”. I think he is tired of just hanging out at the set doing “Hodor Hodor” and wants to exercise his freedom of speech.

hodor

  1. Stand-Up Comedian is killed by the Mountain

This episode is special because we witnessed a brief stand-up act, an informal one. Obviously, it was in a cheap pub, an open room. It was not an ideal setup for comedy, but the guy was funny as his act was about fucking the queen. Mountain, that bastard, killed him while he was peeing. We all know that killing comedians was pretty much an old thing and Game of Thrones reminded us of that. On the bright side, at least he got to pee on the mountain.

  1. Arya sucks as a beggar.

Waif, Arya’s weird massage partner from the spa is back to beating the shit out of a begging Arya. I think she is being punished for being a pathetic beggar. Seriously so many days of begging and not a single penny in her bowl. One may be from the last week, but Arya can certainly do better. Jaqen H’ghar is a man with a heart, if he is a human being at all, but he is into weird shit. Watch two girls fight, one of them is blind, maybe the girls are underage. This guy has some weird fetish. As LVG may say, “It is not ok to hit a blind girl with a stick unless it’s ‘Sex Masochism’.

  1. High Sparrow is still a bitch!!!

Marcella is sleeping like a dead baby with the weird eye thing, we saw Tywin Lannister do at the beginning of season 5. This is the same place where Jamie and Cersei ‘did it’ when Joffrey died. Tommen, who was a good boy is losing his shit. Lack of sex is turning him into Joffrey. Jaime tried to kill High Sparrow, who clearly warned Jaime that this is nothing as he has been through worse in his weekly Beastality sessions. Every time he is on screen, I feel that he just made out with a cow. It’s either that or he is an ancestor of Bernie Sanders.

bernie

  1. Ramsay is still an asshole, treats his brother like dog food and Theon Greyjoy is going to get fucked again!!!

Ramsay is doing his mad thing again and is the reason for 3 key deaths in this episode. These are far more brutal than Sansa sex and obviously, one of them involves the dogs. This bastard, I mean literally is now Lord Bolton and it is going to be fucked up on several levels.

For some strange reason, Theon Grejoy wants to go back to the Greyjoy’s without a cock. One thing I love about this series is their commitment to kill the characters. They called the Greyjoys back, just to fucking drop Balon Greyjoy from a wooden swinging bridge in Iron Islands.

theon

  1. Tyrion drinks and he knows things

Tyrion is that one character who is loved by most, except of course Donald Trump. This time, Tyrion does what he does best, “Drinks and knows things” and casually he goes to free the dragons. Kind of things midgets do when they are drunk are really amazing.

tyrion

  1. He is back, but it’s not too exciting!!!

Ser Davos is doing his wise thing again. I guess he has figured out that he is not getting any mutton, so they might as well fight. The bastard is lucky and this is the first time, we are happy seeing the wildlings since Ygritte died. We all knew what Melisandre was going to do to Jon Snow and she really did it. I mean she is an old hag in reality, but because of that one act of bringing Jon Snow back, we can forgive her for being one. With all those deaths in Game of Thrones, she is going to be in really high demand to bring people back. For some reason, they kept his body way too long for us to be excited about Jon Snow coming back. In fact, he was never gone. Bolton’s death was for some reason a far bigger surprise than Jon Snow being alive. The best thing is that all the people had left when he came to life. So when they are in the other rooms doing their thing and suddenly Jon Snow shows up in his underwear, the reactions are going to be of epic proportions. We know two people who are really fucked, Ser Alliser and Olly.

jon.jpg

Finally, Jon is back, dragons are back, giants are back, wildlings are back, Greyjoys are back, this episode ‘Home’, feels like one big homecoming for several characters. In case, of some like Balon Greyjoy, they just came and left.

“What is dead may never die!!!”

Death Count: 

Major deaths – (4 – 1 = 3)

Minor Deaths – 3 (including the comedian)

 

Advertisements

Game of Thrones Season 6 Episode 1: Khaleesi Gains weight as Arya goes begging!!!

Standard
Game of Thrones Season 6 Episode 1: Khaleesi Gains weight as Arya goes begging!!!

Game of Thrones is back. It’s like happy new year for all the Game of Thrones fans, or is it?? If you are not based out of the US, there is a high probability that you have not seen this episode yet, so beware of the spoilers ahead.

Parts of Season 6 episode 1, “The Red Woman” leave an impression that it is copied from a lot of Hollywood or even Bollywood movies and obviously there is enough stereotyping to make cats look cute.

  1. Arya is Blind

We all know that Arya was blinded in the Season 5 Finale. She lost her eyesight and they made here do what all blind people do? Beg!!!

Arya Beggar.jpg

I mean they could have easily helped her start a Telephone booth (or in this case raven booth) out of the government’s disabled or blind quota. Still, they left her begging in the streets of Bravos. Then comes her co-masseuse bitch from the ‘Man Needs Face’ spa, who wants to fight Arya. She starts beating the shit out of Arya as if she wants to train her. This clearly reminded me of Ajay Devgan’s Jigar, (which itself is copied from Bloodsport).

 

2. Wheelchair Doran

From the beating of blind people to killing of lame people. Doran Martell an otherwise peaceful character was murdered by Ellaria Sand (played by Indira Varma) without much of a reason. Just imagine the plight of Alexander Siddig, someone must have told him, “You are there in season 6. Only for 2 minutes in the first episode. You read a letter and are stabbed to death.”

Also, why kill him when you can just take his wheelchair away? How far he could have gone???

As I saw him sitting in his wheelchair, I couldn’t help but think, if Game of Thrones was real history, this could have been one of the first wheelchairs. Then I asked myself, why was the first wheelchair ever invented? Wheel is fine, but wheelchair, why?? How many disabled or paralyzed people it took for someone to think, “What if we make a chair with wheels? We can just let those without legs roll. We can also go lame bowling.”

3. Jaime screws up big-time

Jaime Lannister returned unsuccessfully from Dorne, as Myrcella was poisoned. Yeah, he might have brought her in one piece, but that was surely not the deal. As a married man, I was shit scared. If I mess up the grocery list, my wife treats me like a shopping cart and drags me to the mall and makes me watch her shop. Though Cersei is not Jaime’s wife, but we all know how unreasonable she can be. Even here, she is totally unpredictable. We thought she will go all Pearl Harbour on Jaime, but no, she is super calm and gentle. Thankfully, Jaime didn’t ask her, “What happened to your hair???”, else he would have to start using that gold hand more often.

JaimeandCersei

4. Khaleesi Gains Weight!!!

Khaleesi has gained weight. Khaleesi was picked up by Drogon and dropped off at a random land, where Dothrakis take her to the new Khal Moro. She is still trying to play the “Mother of Dragon” card and is equally annoying. The only difference is she has put on weight. We don’t know the reason. Drogon might have been firing up the barbeque for her, but Khaleesi’s slightly heavier look is of concern. If she ever gets to sit on the iron throne, she should at least fit in it. I hope she loses weight at the Khal Widow Women’s Association or the KWMM (Khal Widhwa Mahila Mandal).

khaleesifat

5. Melisandre is the bathtub lady from “The Shining”

We were hoping that Melisandre does something to him. She does come back and show us the first pair of titties for season 6, but the joy was short-lived. It is clearly inspired from Kubrick’s ‘The Shining’ where a pretty hot lady turns into an old hag as she kisses Jack Nicholson.

theshiningmeme

The big kept secret is still a secret. Is Jon Snow really dead? I mean he is almost, but why aren’t they destroying the body yet??? Bury him, burn him, but do something. He is not doing anything just lying down there. Everyone says he is dead, but unless they destroy his body completely, there is still hope.

jonsnow

This is what a Mumbaikar has to say about Pune!!!

Standard
This is what a Mumbaikar has to say about Pune!!!

Pune is a strange city with weird traffic rules of its own. Every two-wheeler comes with an inbuilt traffic cop, who makes up rules on the fly. The only rule followed here is “Rules Chya Aai Chi”, which means “Screw All Rules”. I moved to Pune last year and people here almost drive everywhere, and everyone thinks they are driving a Ferrari. Someone new to Pune will find this traffic more confusing than Bollywood film affairs. This and few other things about Pune are captured beautifully in this short but sweet video by Mandar Bhide, a Pune-based comic.  Mandar Bhide, a Marathi boy from Mumbai sells chocolate for a living and tells jokes for getting a life. He moved to Pune last year but spends most of his time on the expressway. This video is a must watch for all Punekars and especially those studying in Symbiosis!!!

 

If you like him, you can subscribe to the YouTube channel and follow him on Mandar Bhide Twitter

 

Cow sucked my duck!!!

Standard
Cow sucked my duck!!!

India for last one and half years has been debating. In fact that’s the only thing we can do anymore. Anything and everything is up for debate. A debate is supposed to enlighten us, but these debates give us ammunition to strengthen our ignorance. Once such raging topic of debate last year was Beef Ban.

The right wing Hindu cow lovers have claimed that cow is their mother. The beef eaters say that she is not a mother, just a burger. Cows and men, both have died for the cause, but we have still not arrived at a conclusion. There is no scientific evidence to prove that cow is our mother. Gorillas have better chances of being our mother, not because they are hairy, but because they have visible boobs and they peel bananas before eating. The following video can be sensitive to many, but it is important to show this to the world. This exposes the hollowness of the claims of Hindu right wing groups, who try to threaten people with Shankar bhagwaan’s (Lord Shiva’s) trishul. Beef eaters think it is just a fork that can  be used to eat Kerala Beef Chilly!!! What the cow does in this video is absolutely blasphemous. Does this behaviour suit a mother? Would you still love her if she does something like this???

To protect the identity of the cow, we have changed her name to ‘Champa’!!!

 

It’s 2016 and you’re back to your shitty life!!!

Standard
It’s 2016 and you’re back to your shitty life!!!

2016 – year that promises change, hope and love for all. Nothing of that sort is going to happen. Now that the New Year hangover is gone, welcome back to reality. The difference between life and a horror movie is that horror movies end, usually with a sigh of relief. Life on the other hand gives you moments of respite and then you are back to the same old bullshit, until you die. Once you are dead, you cannot make amends to the script.

2016

Photo Credit: Xinom Devianart

Chapter 2: What you can do differently in 2016?

You cannot change your life, because you are a passionless pumpkin who has screwed it in unimaginable ways. You have been chasing dreams that others had projected for you. You are in a desert and you soul is thirsty. People around you are like vultures waiting for you to slip. You are trying your best to keep up, but deep down under you know you’re really close to giving up.

Give Up

The world has been unjust to you because it’s an unjust social structure that we have designed. It is not all bad though, as once in a while you will approach an oasis in the form of festivals and holidays. These watering holes are something we look forward to, but that’s where the real predators are hiding. You buy gifts that your family, friends and relatives don’t need. You spend your hard earned money to buy that for them, so that you can buy their goodwill.

vultures

You may gain a false sense of pride and love, that will give you the strength only to reach the next watering hole. This never ending journey will keep getting tougher are you will keep getting weaker. Once you get used to these watering holes, they will slowly start disappearing only to reappear in the form of meaningless mirages, waiting for you to lose your sanity.

Chapter 3: Is there anything I can do about it?

Yes.

  • Stop trying too hard to make others happy.
  • Trust no one. Not even your parents or your loved ones. Work towards your happiness, not theirs.
  • Just feed your kids and leave them on their own. Once they figure out the meaning of life themselves, that will be the beginning of their journey to realization.
  • Don’t feel bad for others. Your life sucks more than theirs.
  • Give up on the chase and start running on your own. That will be much more fun.

Most importantly, if you are tired, just give up!!!

cant

How to get an obedient wife???

Standard
How to get an obedient wife???

Marriage can be tougher than you think. It is like swimming naked in a pool on a nice sunny day, but with some sharks and crocodiles hanging around. Many people think that marriage will put an end to all the problems in your life. If this was true then every married couple would have been like Jack and Jill who went up the hill to do naughty things.

jack and jill

The fact is that marriage is the beginning of all the problems. Marriage is like a long train journey, where you are stuck with a Sindhi/Guajarati family with Aaloo, Mooli ke parathe in their tiffin box. You know that when that fart catalysing food goes in the late night explosions are going to transform your train compartment into a gas chamber. At times, I think if Hitler had discovered Guajarati food, he would have easily doubled the number. Now that we have re-established the fact that marriage is a dangerous but unavoidable calamity, it is important that you are well equipped for this.

fart

The traditional way of approaching things is to change yourself, but we at Looney Darindey believe in thinking out of the bottle. Instead of changing yourself, train your wife. Train your wife does not mean having multiple wives and asking them to form a human train. We leave that to ISIS. It actually means, methodically modifying the behaviour of your fiancée/girlfriend so that she becomes an excellent wife. Women are coded and nurtured in a particular way, which has a major impact on the way they interact with other people. As we know, it is important for a man that his wife behaves the way he wants, we have developed techniques that make your wife obedient to her master’s wishes.

angry

Why is it important to train the wife?

Every man has a lifestyle which gets adversely and drastically impacted when a woman enters his life. In most cases, this happens because of compatibility issues. Wives in recent times have shown great stubbornness to mend their ways after marriage, which leads to chaos and at times tempts men into violence, which cannot be completely justified.

‘Train your Wife’ is not just a business, but also our social responsibility.

The dreams that a couple has at the time of marriage can get destroyed, thanks to the unreasonable demands made by women, and in some cases men. So it is important that you train your wife to suit you and your family needs/demands.

trainyourwife

What we focus on?

Compatibility can be in different areas, which can be mainly classified as – Behavioural, Physical and Monetary. When a couple enrols in our programme, we take full charge of female and put her through our intensive 7 weeks training module.

Training

Behavioural

Girls these days don’t know how to behave. Modern day marriages often involves a lot of socializing. Girls must know how to change their behaviour with respect to the surroundings. The idea is that this should be in line with expectations of the man. We will train the wife in such a way that you can control her degree of openness when she is with your friends, colleagues or boss. Most importantly, we will make sure that she is not an embarrassment for you.

obehave

Physical

Physical compatibility is a must between husband and wife. Our physical module will train your wife to meet all your expectations in the bedroom department. Whatever you want she will do for you. We will pick up a trainer with a body type similar to that of your (usually it will be from your profession and race). He will train you wife for two weeks in different positions, so that she is not clueless in the bedroom when married. In fact she will know much more than what her ex-boyfriend taught her.

physical

Monetary

Money is really important for happiness. Without money, there can be no happiness. Hence, we will teach your wife how to manage the funds given to her. She needs to realize that after marriage she will have to maintain a perfect balance of being a good house wife and looking good for her husband. You don’t want an ugly hag around you. Depending on your salary, we will give her money every morning. Our shopping activities will help her develop her brain in such a way that she spends the right amount on groceries and cosmetics. At the end of the day she should have saved enough money to buy a gift for you every month, for your love and care. If the wife is working, we will make sure that she voluntarily transfers all her salary to you and manages her day in the funds allocated by you.

WomenandMoney

We will teach her how to keep quiet!!!

The problem with girls is that they talk a lot. This is not something limited to modern day girls. Even the cave women used to talk. In fact they never stopped talking, that’s why the men had to go hunting. The women could not go hunting, because they never stopped talking and the prey would run away. We don’t want this jibber jabber to destroy your India v/s Pakistan cricket match or married life, in that order. So we have special duct tape sessions where we train the women to accept defeat in an argument and eventually keep quiet. Peace will prevail!!!

womenquiet

Why Looney Darindey?

This programme is specially designed by the married and divorced men for the ‘to be married’ men. Our consultants know your problems and some know the solutions too. Our programme is designed in such a way that you have sufficient time between your engagement and marriage. In fact this fits perfectly in the E-T-M Methodology (Engage Train and Marry). It can also be customized as per the man’s wishes and the race of the female species. We have built this with a ‘client first’ or a ‘husband first’ mind set, which ensures that you are the one who stays in charge. Most importantly, this comes with a warranty!!! If you are not happy with her, we can do this training again, free of cost!!!

women

Remember,

When you cannot chain her, train her!!!

To learn more about the programme, reach out to us at looneydarindey@gmail.com.

 

The King who fought the Maggi battle – Maggiayan Part 1

Standard
The King who fought the Maggi battle – Maggiayan Part 1

Long long ago, there was a prince, who didn’t like food.

joffrey

He despised it more than kids despised mathematics. Top of his hate list was milk, which I doubt comes from something as sweet as a cow. (FYI: I haven’t tasted a cow). He hated food worse than the biggest bully at his school. Queen mother tried a lot of new things, but there is only this much you can do with a Phool Gobi (cauliflower) or Patta Gobi (cabbage).

Aloo-Patta-Gobi-Curry

The  queen mother spent a lot of time learning new things, which made her really busy and late to go to bed. So obviously daddy i.e. the king got angry, because that was eating into daddy’s time for his good night stories. Everyday mommy and daddy used to dress up like characters from Panchatantra and tell each other stories, but never invited the prince.

panchatantra-terrorist

Prince’s food tantrums were not helping the case and his daddy really got upset. Until one day, queen mommy discovered a red and yellow packet. She said it was god sent. The packet said that the food will be ready in 2 minutes, but it took ages to come to the table.  Prince carefully took the first bite. As the gooey noodles made their way into the prince’s mouth, the tiny prince travelled into an alternate universe. The queen mother realized – “If sex was for daddy, this was for the prince!!!” The thing that would fill the void left behind by breast milk was to be fulfilled by Queen Mother’s new found love Maggi.

maggi

As the prince grew up, Maggi became an inseparable part of the family. That packet of Maggi was like a fairy tale. The day the prince came early from an examination, it was there. The day the prince got beaten up and pissed all over him by the bullies at school, it was there, The day it rained, it was there.

bully

In short, it was always there, but never did the prince get bored of it. At times it was an incentive for the prince to complete his homework on time. Slowly as the prince grew further to become a 3rd degree turd of a teenager, the love for Maggi only grew stronger. Hot girls and Maggi – that’s all that the prince could think of. Sadly, Maggi was the only thing accessible.

preity maggi

The King was a creative thinker and liked innovation in the bedroom. The king and his ministers used to try out new things and discuss the next morning during the lunch break. Sadly, the queen was not willing to try new things.  She loved dominating in the bedroom, but the creativity was missing. King had nothing new to discuss and the same new missionary tales were becoming less amusing by the day. He knew that his ministers laughed only because he was the king. So one day, when the king wanted to replace the traditional metal windows with the sliding windows, the queen demanded three wish coupons in lieu. Queen used the first one to make a son and the second won to buy exotic lingerie. She kept the third wish in her blouse and told the king she will be revealing it later. The day had finally arrived and queen was about to reveal.

One of the king’s ministers had clearly stated that noodles are aphrodisiac and the queen mother did not want her kid to grow up to become Shakti Kapoor, so she decided to use her third wish.

Shakti-Kapoor

The King came back from work all pissed. To keep the son busy, she made him Maggi, but to keep the king busy, she had to do a little more. She dressed like Kunika from the old Hindi movies.

kunika

Queen ordered food from king’s favorite restaurant. She also got the king some ice cream and made sweet sweet love to him. When the king was completely under her spell, she told him, dude, let’s send the prince to boarding school.

To be continued…

Why Indian parents make kids?

Standard
Why Indian parents make kids?

In India after few years into the marriage, if you do not squeeze one out, questions may be raised along with fat eyebrows. Doubts on manhood and fading hopes of achieving complete womanhood go hand in hand. A married couple in India is treated like a toaster. If the toast doesn’t pop out within first two three years, people think, “Short circuit ho gaya hoga!!!” (There must be a short circuit i.e. some problem with the couple). Letting other people take important decisions like these is kind of our thing. So, when you choose your life partner, without prior approval from your cousin aunt’s step mother-in-law, you may be treated like a dirty laundry. Still, when it comes to bringing a brand new asshole in this stinking shit pot of a world, the decision should be completely yours. Irrespective of the fact whether it is voluntary or not, why do Indian parents need kids in the first place.

1. To come first in the class

Indian parents are obsessed with kids coming first in the class.

Spelling Bee

So much so that they forget only one among 60-70 kids can come first in the class. If the kid does not come first, father thinks that he belongs to his wife’s ex-boyfriend and mother thinks it’s the mechanic. He is threatened to be thrown into a boarding school, but that threat never materializes as they fear that the kid may turn into a homosexual. This pressure of coming first finally pays off, only for men, unfortunately after marriage in the bed. You can deal with this pressure by watching the following video…

2. To buy ice-cream on a Sunday afternoon

Remember how on Sunday after that heavy meal your mom had cooked, your father usually sent you out to get ice-cream. This was one time you were useful to your family as a kid. What’s better than an ice-cream after a quickie? More importantly they had to see less of you for 5 minutes.

ice cream

3. Same reason why Europeans needed slaves

So daddy is fixing a lamp, but is too lazy to go to the kitchen and get the wooden stool. The fact is that he is afraid and wants to avoid confrontation with mom. He suddenly starts feeling like a roman king and sends his gladiator to go get it for him. You run like a dog behind a ball and get the stool or whatever he wants. At times I think, the kids provide the only chance for our parents to live the life of a Roman emperor. They can just make 4-5 kids, throw the bread and let them fight for it.Maa ki Slave4. Learn a new musical instrument, dance or entertain the guests

I learnt Tabla, my cousin sister learnt harmonium and my blind cousin knows singing. Now we may sound like one of those musical groups in the Mumbai local, “Pardesi…Pardesi” or “Dil diwana bin sajna ke maane na and all that”, but trust me we are not. We are more of the “Hum ko mann ki Shakti dena” and all that type. Once you learn an art form, you become the official courtesan of your family. Be ready to demonstrate your art in front of the guests, with a smile on your face. After all, it is because of them that you are getting to eat in the new ‘mehmanowali’ (for guests) plates.

courtesanindian

5. Answer the door and phone calls for your father

You are not a true daughter or son, if you are not the first one to run for the door.

doorbell

Every time the bell rang, it meant hope. Someone is here to rescue you, but they all turned out to be nothing but politicians with empty promises, who became boring within first 5 minutes. Be first to answer the phone, as you are the one who screens the calls. Of course these were the days of landline, in the days of mobile, your only job is to help your mother find out whether your dad is making out with the secretary or drinking with his friends.

6. Fulfill their unfulfilled dreams

If your parents’ dreams are X, on an average .3X dreams are fulfilled. Now it’s your job to fulfil 1.3X of the dreams. This unfortunately leaves very little space for your own dreams to be fulfilled. A lot of kids in this country spend decades figuring out what the fuck their dreams are, other than those which make them wet their pants in childhood, puberty and youth. Irrespective of how poor or how rich you are, your parents expect you to fulfil their dreams, just like your parents fulfilled your grandparents’. It is a vicious cycle of the glorious Indian society, where we are not allowed to dream, but told to dream. Our parents would rather want us to be Wasim Jaffer and fulfil their Ranji dreams, than become Sachin Tendulkar and shine like a real star. Some say that there are different levels of dreams. If that is true, we are still struggling to enter the first one.

dream

When you bring a new creature in this world, you bring a mind that can think and act on its own. The more you want him/her to be an impression of your own, the more he/she limits the ability to think. The less you control, the happier they will be, a bit like the helium balloon. Stop treating your kids like a glorified puppy. Let them think. Let them question everything around them, including your actions.

Be brave and let them be brave.

Why is it OK for married Indian women to have extra marital affair?

Standard
Why is it OK for married Indian women to have extra marital affair?

In Indian society, extra marital affairs are generally frowned upon. Especially if it is done by a woman, but there are few reasons, why it is fine for a married woman to get into an extra marital affair.

  1. Unmarried women can’t get into extra marital affairs

The strange fact about extra marital affairs is that unmarried women cannot get into an extra marital affair. Marriage is a prerequisite for extra marital affairs. I know this may sound weird, but extra marital affairs function like an elitist club, where only married men or women are allowed. Yes, people can have affairs with unmarried people, still for them, it will only be an affair. In order to make it an extra marital affair, they need to first marry and continue the affair. So tomorrow, if you want your daughter to get into an extra marital affair, first get her married and then find her a nice extra marital match.

married

  1. It is done after marriage…

An extra marital affair has to be consummated for it to be considered a legal extra marital affair. Till then the girl is to be considered loyal to her husband. Now the real question is why is it not wrong to do this? The answer is pretty simple – “Because it is after marriage”. In India, pre-marital sex is considered as a blasphemy, but post marriage, it is considered totally fine. Imagine, your daughter banging the mechanic before marriage, it will not be Sanskaari at all, but after marriage, it should not be much of a problem, because it is not premarital sex. Also, after marriage, if the girl is caught having extra marital affair with the milkman or your husband’s friend or something, it would be her in-laws fault, because after marriage, they are her parents. So it will be very easy for her parents to pass on the blame to her in-laws saying, “Haaw, aapki beti kahan mooh kala karke aa gayi!!!” You know as they say, “Offence is the best Defense”

premar

  1. Because it is free!!!

Extra marital affairs are free of cost. In India, we love things that are free. I mean “Ek ke saath ek free”, i.e. “one on one free” is what gives the women real long lasting orgasms. So between Mrs. Sharma and Mrs. Varma, the smarter housewife will be the one with extra marital affair, because she knows the importance of free. Only she can be a good mother and daughter in law in long run.

BOGO

  1. Makes her good at multi-tasking

Women are good at multi-tasking as per the feminists, but this skill can get way better with an extra marital affair. A women who can successfully keep two men happy can truly be awesome at managing the house and take care of lot of kids in future. An average Indian mom is supposed to have 4 kids. Taking care of four kids is not easy, especially if they are boys. Hence, it is important that the girl gets into an extra marital affair early in her married life. This will train her for challenges of future and help her get a better understanding of men.

multitask

  1. Makes her better at physical love

Physical love can be a challenging task, especially in India, where we have a lot of mosquitoes. To counter the mosquitoes and bed bugs etc. it is important for the girl to have an extra man to practice this with. The logic is simple – If you want your wife to cook new things, you send her to a cookery class, but if you want your wife to try new things in bed, send her to someone who can teach her that.

Physical Love

  1. Good for girl’s parents

Today is a time full of stress and problems. So don’t expect the marriages to last long. Also, there are chances that your daughter or son-in-law or both may not live long. An extra marital affair by the daughter ensures that you get a back-up to the back-up son i.e. back-up son in law. So don’t worry who will change your diapers, when you start wetting your bed, because you have taken 3 levels of precautions – daughter, son-in-law and back-up son-in law.

indianparents

To summarize, extra marital affairs are a very human thing to do. Have you ever seen cats or dogs or crickets having extra marital affairs? No, because it is only for the supreme species called homo-sapiens. If your daughter grows up and asks you, mom how many extra marital affairs you had, what answer can you give her? Who will take care of your parents, if for some reason you and your current husband are not around?

These are some serious questions and demand serious answers. You don’t have to look too far, just look around you, “This  special one” might be way closer than you think. So next time your husband’s boss makes a naughty comment, or the milk man shows up without a t-shirt or plumber accidentally makes you wet, do not ignore as he might be your prince “Extra Charming!!!

specialone

By changing your Facebook profile pic, you have signed up for the world’s biggest ORGY!!!

Standard
By changing your Facebook profile pic, you have signed up for the world’s biggest ORGY!!!

By changing your profile pic, you have actually signed up for the world’s biggest orgy dated 30th Oct 2015.

Spiderman Orgy

Yes…ORGY!!!

Recently when India’s Prime Minister did what he does best, visited a foreign country called USA to meet Mark Zuckerberg, both of them painted their DPs with something resembling the Indian tricolor to support Digital India campaign. Ladies and gentleman, I am sorry to break this to you, but Facebook has duped you into signing up for the world’s biggest orgy and it is not Internet.org.  This orgy will be full of tall men and sexy women. Do you really want to be a part of something as immoral as this?

facebook-zuckerberg-270915

Anyone who has changed his/her profile picture has automatically accepted an invitation to this orgy. If you are not present you will be castrated. The orgy will be organized across the globe and will be live streamed on Facebook. The orgy will be available in 14 different Indian languages, which includes Tamil, Marathi, Hindi and of course Gujarati. Looney Darindey strongly supports this move and suggests that you show up with a truly nationalist chaddi (underwear) for this orgy. While the orgy is no contest, but land of Kamasutra has a lot at stake.

code

We know that we are not fit enough to try any of the asans mentioned in Kamasutra, except Gujaratis who can try besan, still we have to put an amazing show.

orgy

Below are some FAQs which should clear all your doubts about this Facebook Maha Orgy –

Q. Can I get my wife along?

A. No matter how ugly she is, we will find a man for her.

Q. What do I do with my kids when I am at the orgy?

A. It is not easy to become an irresponsible parent in India, but we can totally help you with this. We can give you nice plastic bags with a duct tape to silence your kids. If you want, we can also lock up your kids in the basement with Sharma uncle, who is known for his love of kids

Q. How long will the orgy last?

A. Longer than your husband has ever lasted.

Q. What is the age limit?

A. Anyone above 18 is allowed as long as it is a human and is not a severe case of HIV.

Q. Is outside food allowed?

A. Yes. As long as you are willing to swallow and not spit.

Q. What if I don’t show up?

A. If you are a woman, we will eat you out. If you are a man, we don’t give a shit. Really don’t show up.

Q. What are the expectations of us?

A. Grow up and stop taking Facebook seriously.

Seriously people, this Digital India and internet.org debate has gone way too far. People don’t care whether you want to paint your profile pic and look like a dick or you want to oppose it with stupid articles and look like a dick. Still, if you have anymore questions about the orgy, please mail us at looneydarindey@gmail.com.

Meanwhile in Australia…

australia