Tag Archives: Game of thrones

GOT Season 6 Episode 9 – Battle of the Bastards, is Danny a Dyke? and Hounds of Winterfell!!!

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GOT Season 6 Episode 9 – Battle of the Bastards, is Danny a Dyke? and Hounds of Winterfell!!!

Warning: Spoilers ahead. You have been warned. Don’t cry later.

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The episode started with Masters destroying the shit out of Meereen and Danny’s WTF look. She was like, “you had one job Tyrion!!!”. This was the first time we got to see Tyrion going on the defensive, after of course Shae’s death. Danny was almost on the verge of firing Tyrion, but then she would be like Donald Trump, which she most definitely did not want. She has blonde hair, but here she is the outsider and not the one who claims to protect the kingdom against the outsiders.

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In fact, she is the one who leads hordes of Dothraki into Meereen. Her pyromania is getting out of control too. She wants to burn the masters (and almost everything), but Tyrion stops her from doing that. The surrender negotiations clearly show who is the boss and how she and Tyrion make an awesome team. Danny set it up and Tyrion finished it off. The big question is what is Lord Varys up to now.

Danny the Dyke with an awesome sense of humour???

When Yara Greyjoy comes to meet Danny, I am not too sure how they made it into Meeren, because only an idiot would like to enter the city, when dragons are burning the ships. This is when I noticed that Daenerys might have bisexual traits or could be a closet feminist.
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We know that Yara is both Lesbian and Feminist and Danny was responding quite nicely to her passes. If that happens, Westeros may end up getting the first bisexual ruler. This would have been a great boost for the Westeros LGBT community, especially the north, who have not seen a rainbow in ages due to the continuously gloomy weather. The dyke handshake between Danny and Yara was an indicator that things may go both ways for Daenerys if you know what I mean. There are some alternate fan theories, which suggest that Danny and Yara have become best friends, which may lead to further complications because Missandei has no other friends.

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It is clear that Tyrion doesn’t like dwarf jokes, despite him being cool about it for most of the series. Tyrion gets great joy in messing with a Greyjoy, especially if that twat has joked about him being a dwarf. That was the time when most of us didn’t like Tyrion much, only because he was a Lannister. Tyrion resists joking about Theon’s cock because it is not there anymore.

Build up to the battle of bastards

We have been waiting for this for a while now, but the hype was most definitely worth it. A lot of us hate Ramsay Bolton, but in this episode, he was at his coolest best. The fact that this was aired on father’s day made it far more interesting because seriously he was missing his father (Roose Bolton’s) smartness and intelligence before and during the battle. People hate Ramsay, but we need to understand that he is just someone who loves to watch the world burn, play games and kill people.

During the pre-battle meeting, he clearly pointed out his intention of not giving a shit about the free folks or Jon Snow and his offer to fight one on one. That was definitely Jon Snow’s ‘Yo Mama’ moment and Ramsay acknowledged that with a classic, ‘He is Good’. There was no good reason for Ramsay to fight this one. He was not the one who took Winterfell from Starks. He took it from Theon. The only real crime he committed was Sansa’s marital rape, all other actions were necessary to remain warden of the north. So while facing his enemy he did not look scared did most of the things right. Unfortunately, he was overconfident and underestimated Sansa.

Jon Snow ignored Sansa’s warning because he rightly thought she was a dumb cunt. She might have saved the day, but from the previews of the season finale, she has got everyone into bigger trouble.

Battle of Bastards

Battle of bastards has left everyone speechless.  If you have seen “The Watchers on the Wall” then you know how can remember how you hated the giants and wildlings. The beauty of Game of Thrones is that it makes you realise hate is temporary.  You develop a love for the characters with time, just like we hated Jaime initially, but started loving him, the moment he became Tyrion’s only friend, our feelings for the Giants have changed with time. Wun Wun, who was the only surviving giant and Jon had him on his side. He was Jon’s cheat card in the battle and the only reason why the Starks could make breach Winterfell.

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The battle started with typical Ramsay games, as he released Rickon Stark, and shot arrows in his direction. Rickon could have survived the game had he seen Mel Gibson’s Apocalypto, but his fate was sealed the moment Sansa said that he is going to die.

 

Jon Messed up!!!

This was Jon Snow’s Bollywood moment. He realised that Rickon is dead and he just went for the Bolton army. A dick move in my opinion. He neither Daenerys nor Sunny Deol from Gadar.

Thankfully the free folks charged for it and Jon Snow did know nothing. He was absolutely clueless, more clueless than Sansa in Season 1. One thing I failed to understand was that the Free Folks had moved to a comparatively less cold region and still they were wearing the same clothes. Beyond the wall, it is pretty cold, in Winterfell too, but he fur jackets was a bit too much. This is just stereotyping the wildlings. Going by the type of temperatures they can withstand, I think they could have easily fought in their undergarments, but let’s leave that visual for another day.

Even the biggest Jon Snow fan can easily tell you that he had messed up by being emotional and lacked battle tactics. He just went for it and got caught in the trap. Ramsay was the clear winner here and had Jon Snow where he wanted. While discussing the battle plans, Jon said they couldn’t attack them from both the sides, to which Tormund gave WTF are you talking about look and that’s exactly what happened. Only Ramsay could use a pile of dead bodies as a wall to trap his enemy. Jon was absolutely in no control of his troops. This was not the same calm and composed Jon Snow we witnessed in the battle against the wildlings. His death in a stampede would have been a tragedy, but that’s the moment, we realised that the day belonged to Sansa. As the Knights of the Vale charged, Ramsay was caught by surprise. He was not there fighting, which was most definitely his undoing. A battle well fought by Ramsay ended in defeat for him. That Sansa marital rape came back to bite him in the ass.

Hounds of Winterfell

After watching the episode, I think Hounds of Winterfell would have been an appropriate title for the episode. Ramsay shot an arrow through Wun Wun’s eye. Jon wanted to punch Ramsay to death, but Sansa wanted to feed him to the hounds. A bit dramatic, but something we all wished and craved for. After Ramsay’s death things may change for good, but we all know that something twisted is coming up. Knights of the Vale are involved now, giving Petr Baelish full charge of things in Winterfell. The audience has learnt this long back that trusting him can be their biggest mistake.

This is undoubtedly the best episode of the series. The kind of episode that wants you to go binge watch the previous 6 seasons. Sadly, it’s one more to go and a year long wait!!! 😥

I leave you with this extended footage of Jon punching  Ramsay.

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GOT Season 6 Episode 2 – Tyrion still drinks and knows things, Arya sucks at begging! and yeah kill the comedian!!

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GOT Season 6 Episode 2 – Tyrion still drinks and knows things, Arya sucks at begging! and yeah kill the comedian!!

Season 6 episode 2, ‘Home’, finally reveals the one thing that we have been waiting for. Before you go ahead or read any further, “This post is dark and full of spoilers”.

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  1. The annoying raven is back.

Brandon Stark and the Three-Eyed Raven have gone into their ‘Warg’ like mode and are doing their usual “Netflix and Chill”. Suddenly, the old dude realizes that Game of Thrones is on HBO and tells Bran it’s enough. They were checking out Ned Stark fighting with people. Fortunately, this time, he doesn’t get his head chopped off, but the old dude doesn’t want Bran to get addicted, so he pulls the plug and they are back in their dungeon of dry sticks.  Meera Reed and the weird girl are both sitting outside in a weird Indian style shitting posture, discussing shit. The only important takeaway from this scene is, “Hodor can talk!!!”. Yes, he can and it’s more than “Hodor”. I think he is tired of just hanging out at the set doing “Hodor Hodor” and wants to exercise his freedom of speech.

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  1. Stand-Up Comedian is killed by the Mountain

This episode is special because we witnessed a brief stand-up act, an informal one. Obviously, it was in a cheap pub, an open room. It was not an ideal setup for comedy, but the guy was funny as his act was about fucking the queen. Mountain, that bastard, killed him while he was peeing. We all know that killing comedians was pretty much an old thing and Game of Thrones reminded us of that. On the bright side, at least he got to pee on the mountain.

  1. Arya sucks as a beggar.

Waif, Arya’s weird massage partner from the spa is back to beating the shit out of a begging Arya. I think she is being punished for being a pathetic beggar. Seriously so many days of begging and not a single penny in her bowl. One may be from the last week, but Arya can certainly do better. Jaqen H’ghar is a man with a heart, if he is a human being at all, but he is into weird shit. Watch two girls fight, one of them is blind, maybe the girls are underage. This guy has some weird fetish. As LVG may say, “It is not ok to hit a blind girl with a stick unless it’s ‘Sex Masochism’.

  1. High Sparrow is still a bitch!!!

Marcella is sleeping like a dead baby with the weird eye thing, we saw Tywin Lannister do at the beginning of season 5. This is the same place where Jamie and Cersei ‘did it’ when Joffrey died. Tommen, who was a good boy is losing his shit. Lack of sex is turning him into Joffrey. Jaime tried to kill High Sparrow, who clearly warned Jaime that this is nothing as he has been through worse in his weekly Beastality sessions. Every time he is on screen, I feel that he just made out with a cow. It’s either that or he is an ancestor of Bernie Sanders.

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  1. Ramsay is still an asshole, treats his brother like dog food and Theon Greyjoy is going to get fucked again!!!

Ramsay is doing his mad thing again and is the reason for 3 key deaths in this episode. These are far more brutal than Sansa sex and obviously, one of them involves the dogs. This bastard, I mean literally is now Lord Bolton and it is going to be fucked up on several levels.

For some strange reason, Theon Grejoy wants to go back to the Greyjoy’s without a cock. One thing I love about this series is their commitment to kill the characters. They called the Greyjoys back, just to fucking drop Balon Greyjoy from a wooden swinging bridge in Iron Islands.

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  1. Tyrion drinks and he knows things

Tyrion is that one character who is loved by most, except of course Donald Trump. This time, Tyrion does what he does best, “Drinks and knows things” and casually he goes to free the dragons. Kind of things midgets do when they are drunk are really amazing.

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  1. He is back, but it’s not too exciting!!!

Ser Davos is doing his wise thing again. I guess he has figured out that he is not getting any mutton, so they might as well fight. The bastard is lucky and this is the first time, we are happy seeing the wildlings since Ygritte died. We all knew what Melisandre was going to do to Jon Snow and she really did it. I mean she is an old hag in reality, but because of that one act of bringing Jon Snow back, we can forgive her for being one. With all those deaths in Game of Thrones, she is going to be in really high demand to bring people back. For some reason, they kept his body way too long for us to be excited about Jon Snow coming back. In fact, he was never gone. Bolton’s death was for some reason a far bigger surprise than Jon Snow being alive. The best thing is that all the people had left when he came to life. So when they are in the other rooms doing their thing and suddenly Jon Snow shows up in his underwear, the reactions are going to be of epic proportions. We know two people who are really fucked, Ser Alliser and Olly.

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Finally, Jon is back, dragons are back, giants are back, wildlings are back, Greyjoys are back, this episode ‘Home’, feels like one big homecoming for several characters. In case, of some like Balon Greyjoy, they just came and left.

“What is dead may never die!!!”

Death Count: 

Major deaths – (4 – 1 = 3)

Minor Deaths – 3 (including the comedian)

 

Game of Thrones Season 6 Episode 1: Khaleesi Gains weight as Arya goes begging!!!

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Game of Thrones Season 6 Episode 1: Khaleesi Gains weight as Arya goes begging!!!

Game of Thrones is back. It’s like happy new year for all the Game of Thrones fans, or is it?? If you are not based out of the US, there is a high probability that you have not seen this episode yet, so beware of the spoilers ahead.

Parts of Season 6 episode 1, “The Red Woman” leave an impression that it is copied from a lot of Hollywood or even Bollywood movies and obviously there is enough stereotyping to make cats look cute.

  1. Arya is Blind

We all know that Arya was blinded in the Season 5 Finale. She lost her eyesight and they made here do what all blind people do? Beg!!!

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I mean they could have easily helped her start a Telephone booth (or in this case raven booth) out of the government’s disabled or blind quota. Still, they left her begging in the streets of Bravos. Then comes her co-masseuse bitch from the ‘Man Needs Face’ spa, who wants to fight Arya. She starts beating the shit out of Arya as if she wants to train her. This clearly reminded me of Ajay Devgan’s Jigar, (which itself is copied from Bloodsport).

 

2. Wheelchair Doran

From the beating of blind people to killing of lame people. Doran Martell an otherwise peaceful character was murdered by Ellaria Sand (played by Indira Varma) without much of a reason. Just imagine the plight of Alexander Siddig, someone must have told him, “You are there in season 6. Only for 2 minutes in the first episode. You read a letter and are stabbed to death.”

Also, why kill him when you can just take his wheelchair away? How far he could have gone???

As I saw him sitting in his wheelchair, I couldn’t help but think, if Game of Thrones was real history, this could have been one of the first wheelchairs. Then I asked myself, why was the first wheelchair ever invented? Wheel is fine, but wheelchair, why?? How many disabled or paralyzed people it took for someone to think, “What if we make a chair with wheels? We can just let those without legs roll. We can also go lame bowling.”

3. Jaime screws up big-time

Jaime Lannister returned unsuccessfully from Dorne, as Myrcella was poisoned. Yeah, he might have brought her in one piece, but that was surely not the deal. As a married man, I was shit scared. If I mess up the grocery list, my wife treats me like a shopping cart and drags me to the mall and makes me watch her shop. Though Cersei is not Jaime’s wife, but we all know how unreasonable she can be. Even here, she is totally unpredictable. We thought she will go all Pearl Harbour on Jaime, but no, she is super calm and gentle. Thankfully, Jaime didn’t ask her, “What happened to your hair???”, else he would have to start using that gold hand more often.

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4. Khaleesi Gains Weight!!!

Khaleesi has gained weight. Khaleesi was picked up by Drogon and dropped off at a random land, where Dothrakis take her to the new Khal Moro. She is still trying to play the “Mother of Dragon” card and is equally annoying. The only difference is she has put on weight. We don’t know the reason. Drogon might have been firing up the barbeque for her, but Khaleesi’s slightly heavier look is of concern. If she ever gets to sit on the iron throne, she should at least fit in it. I hope she loses weight at the Khal Widow Women’s Association or the KWMM (Khal Widhwa Mahila Mandal).

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5. Melisandre is the bathtub lady from “The Shining”

We were hoping that Melisandre does something to him. She does come back and show us the first pair of titties for season 6, but the joy was short-lived. It is clearly inspired from Kubrick’s ‘The Shining’ where a pretty hot lady turns into an old hag as she kisses Jack Nicholson.

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The big kept secret is still a secret. Is Jon Snow really dead? I mean he is almost, but why aren’t they destroying the body yet??? Bury him, burn him, but do something. He is not doing anything just lying down there. Everyone says he is dead, but unless they destroy his body completely, there is still hope.

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Beautiful illustration videos of Game of Thrones are the best build up to season 5!!!

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Beautiful illustration videos of Game of Thrones are the best build up to season 5!!!

The beloved show Game of Thrones is under threat, because Sony has decided to remake this show in Hindi. A sad day, as we don’t want to see this show being remade as “Rani Mahal” (Queen’s Palace).

Game of Thrones Hindi

Game of Thrones Hindi

While the fans await the release of season 5, this news is sure a mood killer for Indian fans. Still, to cheer you up, we got these beautiful illustration videos by 1A4Studio for Vanity Fair. These videos illustrate the lives of few Game of Thrones characters, one at a time.

As the above trailer suggests, these videos are actually ‘faster than fuck’. An obvious warning for losers who have not seen Game of Thrones, “Spoilers Ahead”. These videos are a must watch for all Game of Thrones fans.

1. The Life of Khal Drogo

2. The Life of Joffrey Baratheon

3. The Life of Robb Stark

4. The Life of Yggrite

and finally…

5. The Life of Ned Stark